My Pool of Lime Jello

When I was a kid, I would often daydream about what it would be like to swim in a swimming pool full of jello. It was always lime flavored... my favorite. I dreamt that I would eat it as I swam along as effortlessly as possible. I envisioned I would not sink, just sort of float near the surface.

I never was a good swimmer... and I would rarely have such a treat as jello. It was the best of both worlds.

"How could this possibly relate to adoption?" you ask.

Well, my dream has come true! Not the pool full of jello one, but the adoption one. I have dreamed (literally and figurtively) of adoption for years! How fun it would be, how effortlessly I would trudge ahead through the paperwork - I liked filling out paperwork, after all! I would go through the process, taking in the joy of each moment until I had the highest joy of all - a child in my arms to love and to raise!

Yes...

I am now convinced that jello is not all that easy to swim in. It is easy to get stuck in. And it is sticky and is not fun. And while the first swallow or two was delicious, my favorite flavor indeed, a whole swimming pool full of paperwork leaves the worst aftertaste.

Yes...

I have developed a dislike of the process of adoption... well, it's ok. Just not as great as I thought it would be. If it only had taken a month or two, maybe I would not have gotten sick of it.

But it is taking years... as we knew that it would. And we are only halfway through the paperwork.

Sometimes I hear a whisper... "Is it worth it?"

To this whisper, I shout back, I yell at the loudest volume possible:

YES!

Yes, the fun has faded and it is now work... hard work.
Yes, the waiting seems never ending.
Yes, I am weary.

But yes, it is worth every tiresome moment, every stupid question that needs answering.
Yes, it is worth every moment of longing and twiddling my thumbs (which really should be working on paperwork, not twiddling!).
Yes, it is worth the endless lists of tasks that all need to be done now, now, now.

Yes, it is worth tens of thousands of dollars.
Yes, it is worth sacrificing and scraping along.
Yes, it is worth losing sleep, pride, and sanity.

You see, this is not a daydream, an idle thought. It is a real little person laying in a crib alone day and night. It is a real little boy or girl who has never been hugged. It is a member of my family, my own son or daughter, that has been wretched away from all that is right in the world.

How can I not give my all, my every waking moment and many of my sleeping ones, to rescue a child from despair? To redeem a little life that only knows the ache of emptiness? Whose only chance in the world is to be found by a family who cares enough to do seemingly endless tasks to bring them out of loneliness and into love?

How can I not?

I wanted to include some photos of Bulgarian orphans in cribs... but it broke my heart. So many photos of children wasting away, alone, dying, starving... I cannot put any on this blog.