Worldview

Sometimes I look around at the world that I live in and think, "Wow, everything is so... different...". Most of the time it feels like I am a foreigner in a strange land... people do things differently - value things differently. I have been through so many cultural shift in my short lifetime... each change of place and change of subculture brings new ideas and ways of doing things.

I was raised in weirdness... I know that now. I was raised by weirdo (but much loved) hippy parents out in the boonies. Things were not valuable. People were not even valuable. Education was not valuable. Very few things mattered, but those few things were of momentous value.

Like intention... it did not matter what you did, it was what you intended. If you failed do something, you were asked, did you intend to fail? If the answer is yes... you did not succeed because you were lazy, careless, etc., then it was indeed failure. If you intended to succeed, but external matters prevented it, well, that was as good as success. Of course, while this sounds like a very generous way of looking at things, it backfired most of the time, if you lied to yourself (if you really believe it, then it is not a lie, in the world I used to live in) and said that you really did intend to.... Well, the road to Hell is paved with good intention.

In my current world, this philosophy just doesn't work. You just can't say, "Well, I intended to finished that project, Mr. Boss Man, but I met this guy in the cafeteria and lost all track of time. But I was networking and now have a great new contact if we ever need an expert in metrics" and have it count as a success - you did not complete your project by the deadline, so you failed. Sometimes intention is not enough. Action is needed - the correct actions at the correct time. To say "I intended to do paperwork for the adoption last night, but made cookies instead, but it is ok because they are for a friend who is feeling low" doesn't cut it. I sometimes dwell on the idead that each day I delay on the paperwork is a day that my child sits in loneliness. I could make all the excuses in the world, but that doesn't change reality. The cookies are only a moment of pleasure for the friend, and do not compare to saving a child from a day more of neglect, hunger, and lovelessness. I think I have to be harsh on myself, because if I am not, I am being doubly harsh on my child.

But this way of my current world is not the way of God. The road to Heaven is not paved with good actions... it  is paved with hope and faith. I have a hope that will not be disappointed and a faith that all will work together for good. God has a plan, an intricate tapestry that is all His own creation. Each thread overlaps and is co-mingled with another at a certain time, for a certain time, in a certain way. I have placed our adoption of our little one in the hands of an Almighty God. Yes, there is an urgency! Yes, I want for it to happen as soon as possible! Sooner, if that can be arranged! But I know that it will happen in His timing, with His purposes.

Can you believe this is all hand sewn?!?

As we move forward with this adoption, I know that as we build this house, the Lord is building it as well. It is not in vain. It is upheld by a Divine Cornerstone and will not end in failure. There will come a time when I have a child in my arms to love and to bless beyond anything he or she has ever known. Perhaps then I will be able to look back and say, yes, it was meant to be this way, at this time. Perhaps not. Perhaps I will never know the specific whys and wherefores, but I do trust that the Loving God has it this way for a loving reason - whatever that is.