Things My Mother Taught Me

In honor of my mother's birthday, which is this month, I would like to share a few things that she has taught me that I would like to pass on to my children.

1. Always plant a garden – even if you will not be around to see the harvest... someone else might benefit from it.

We moved around a lot when I was a kid – sometimes we only remained at a place for a couple of months before our next move. But my mother always would plant a garden... and she would always tell me this little secret. It taught me so much more than how to grow green beans and tomatoes. While I love the garden lore, the smell of freshly tilled soil, and earthworms, it is the concept that what we do can affect more than just us. We can, and should, try to have an impact beyond our selfish little lives of work, play, and sleep. While we may never see the impact of our actions on others, we are to habitually do good to others. Even if we never get to taste the harvest ourselves. Even if we do not get any praise. Even if our garden withers and is abandoned by all, the chance that is might do someone good is reason enough to plant it.

I tried have applied this idea to all areas of my life, my work, my family... Some of my gardens have withered away. Perhaps I left behind some fruit here and there for some hungry soul. I will never really know, but it has shaped the way I live and enjoy life... and I want my little ones to know this same truth – to always grow little gardens of their own.

2. Life is not fair.

This may seem like a harsh teaching for a child... so many of my friends' mothers strived to make life fair for them - if they whined, the phone call was made, the offending party told off, etc. Not my mom. When we came to her whining... "So-and-so did such-and-such and it wasn't fair!", her response was invariably "Life is not fair." We were told to get over it. To not let it bother us. Life was not going to work out exactly the way we wanted it to and to get used to it.

This harsh, unyielding answer has been a lifesaver. When troubles came, I said, "Life is not fair." And then I kept on. Sorrows came, and I repeated, "Life is not fair" and kept on. I became a strong, enduring, capable woman, unswayed by life's small hiccups, able to climb over doom and despair. Yes, life is not fair, but it can be good. So, while my mother’s teaching made me rock hard on the surface, it has also made my heart soft. I am all the more appreciative when someone does act with integrity and kindness. When God blesses me with a joy out of the ordinary. When good things happen to good people. Because life is not fair, it is a delight when fairness shows up. Or even better… when fairness is surpassed by undeserved favor.

I want my child to have this strength. In fact, I don’t think that they can survive without it.

3. The answer to the question, “Why?”

When I was a child, I would ask “Why do I have to go to bed now?” “Why does brother get to go fishing and I don’t?” I wasn’t asking why – I was complaining. When this was the case, all she said was, “Because.”  Why? Because.  It was almost a game at times… the complaining would stop and we would go in endless circles of “Why?” and “Because.” I would then run off smiling, forgetting my complaint.

Now, I was also very inquisitive as a child, and would frequently ask legitimate “Why?” questions. “Why are there colors? Why do trees grow? Why?” It always amused me that my mom always knew when I was really asking “Why” and when I was complaining. When I did ask in sincerity, I never received “Because.” for an answer, but she would explain the inner workings of the universe to me.

It is a wise person that can tell the difference between the two sorts of whys.  When I find myself complaining, I find my mother’s voice answering “Because.” And I smile. It stops my complaining dead in its tracks. I hope that I have the wisdom to distinguish between the complaints of my child and his or hers quest for knowledge. I hope to play the Why/Because game, turning complaint into laughter.

My mother raised me with many other truths as tools in my belt, but these are my favorites. I am very blessed to have such a mother… and I hope that in my motherhood, I will be able to pass these truths on to my children as well.

Thanks Mom, and Happy Birthday!