Love 101

We are calling our little boy Vanya for short - a loving nickname.

Why Vanya? Well, when you take his daddy’s Scots-Irish name “Ian” and translate it into a Slavic name, you get “Ivan”. Then make it into a cute little boy’s name the Slavic way – and Vanya comes out. It is like calling a little boy named John “Johnny”.

And, yes, we are going to change his name from his birth name. Why rename him? We want him to know that he is our son – because a son receives a name from his parents. We also want him to hold onto his Bulgarian heritage – because it is an intricate part of him. So this little nickname will achieve both purposes!

Vanya is expected to come soon… maybe Christmas! Or there about…

However, even though we are expecting, we are trying not to have any expectations.

Why?

We know so little about Vanya. What we do know will probably change by the time we get him home or turned out to be incorrect. On top of that, we are dealing with a little soul that has not had the benefit of love and attention, adequate nutrition and exercise, and very little exposure to what it means to be human. He spent his first two years or so laying in a crib with no one speaking to him or around him, no one holding him, and no way to see how people act or behave. That he is as advanced as he is – just having learned to sit up, to walk a little, to say a couple of words – shows that he has great potential for growth. But we really don’t know…

So we are setting our expectations for only the most basic of things… things like we are adopting a little boy. He will need lots of love and extra attention. He will not understand English. He probably will be scared.

We are not expecting him to love us at first sight. In any way, shape, or form.

Unconditional love – or even love in any form – is a foreign concept for the vast majority of children living in orphanages. If they are lucky, people will be kind to them. But this is in no way love. Based on the cultural view of orphans in Eastern Europe, it is unlikely that even kindness will be known to kids in orphanages.

So our first task and privilege as adoptive parents is to teach our son about love. Free and unconditional, unending, abundant love. Until Vanya is taught what love is, he will not love us – or anyone.

On the syllabus of our Love 101 course:

·         Love is patient – we will give him forever to learn to love – no deadlines.

·         Love is kind – we will always seek to do what is best for him.

·         It does not envy – we will be jealous for him – not of him.

·         It does not boast – it is not about our accomplishments as parents, but about him.

·         It is not proud – we will be low so that he may climb high.

·         It does not dishonor others – we shun shame and bring honor to him.

·         It is not self-seeking – we will lay down our lives for his welfare.

·         It is not easily angered – we will respond appropriately without wrath.

·         It keeps no record of wrongs – we will not hold past failures against him.

·         Love does not delight in evil– we delight in the good in him.

·         But rejoices with the truth – we will be honest to him.

·         It always protects – we will shelter him from all that is not good for him.

·         Always trusts – we will give him the benefit of the doubt.

·         Always hopes – we will be optimistic about his future.

·         Always perseveres – we will face challenges for him and together as a family.

Notice that all these actions are ours – we are his teachers and will be demonstrating the concept and power of love to him. He will have his homework, yes, but the burden of the work is on us. This is how he will learn to love – he will be taught with words, with actions, with hugs and kisses, with sacrifice and hard work.

It reminds me of that heavenly principle, “Because He first loved us…”