A Prayer for My Boy

Diary of a Soon-to-be Daddy

Tuesday, July 15, 2013

                  In the week since Mommy Mel wrote our last adoption post, little Vanya probably hasn’t grown by much at all. For most parents, it seems as if their kids grow up by the day. “It seems like just yesterday you were a little baby in my arms!” they’ll say to their now-grown son or daughter. “My, haven’t you grown!” is another common statement directed at growing children, usually by loved ones who haven’t seen them in a short while but who look on, dumbfounded, at the now not-so-little people standing before them. But for us, our son doesn’t grow much at all. He has taken three years to get to the size of a two-year-old. In fact, he weighs about as much as a one-year-old we know. He doesn’t really grow... at least very fast. In Mel’s post, she mentioned how this is due to factors such as lack of exercise, lack of real food (he is fed “gruel” – literally – Oliver Twist, eat your heart out!), and so forth. But the main reason he doesn’t grow is due to the lack of a primary care giver. In short, the simple fact that he has no mother and no father loving him, playing with him, talking to him, and being with him, means that he stays puny, weak, and listless.

                  But it occurred to me as I was preparing to write this post that our boy Vanya does in fact have at least one primary care giver – his Father in Heaven. Now at face value, this sounds like a total cliché, like I’m flippantly saying about our dejected little orphan boy, “Welp, at least he’s got God! That’ll have to do. Tut tut tut!” But that assumption couldn’t be further from the truth. I came to this realization a couple weeks ago, and it has changed how I actively think and pray for our only son. It has given me a prayer for him that I know that his Father in Heaven, his only true caregiver at this point, is working in him. Here’s how it happened:

                  A few weeks ago I asked the Lord what He wanted to teach me that day (with the intention that it would be something that would span several days). He said, very simply, “Grace.” Now I knew that He wasn’t telling me He wanted me to re-learn how to say grace before dinner, or that he wanted me to become a graceful fashion model or something silly like that. I knew that He wanted me instead to learn about His “grace” so that I would be more like Him, love Him better, and love others more fully. So I took His instruction and began reading Bible verses and stories in which Jesus is associated with the word “grace.” One of the first ones I came to was Luke 2:40: “The Child continued to grow and become strong in spirit, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him.”

                  As I sat and pondered this verse, knowing full well that it was talking about Jesus as a boy and how he had to grow into a man of wisdom, strength, and grace, the Lord spoke to me and said, “Pray this for Vanya.” It totally shocked me. The Person that this verse was written about was actually telling me to ask for it for my own son. And it makes total sense.

                  “The Child continued to grow…” Vanya is puny and underdeveloped physically. He is three years old but the size and weight of a two-year-old. He was born prematurely and lives with the physical consequences. He doesn’t talk much. He is clearly aware of his surroundings and of people, many of whom he recognizes and responds to, and he gets enjoyment out of things like getting dressed up and going out (remind you of someone?), but he needs strength – physical strength.

                  “And become strong in spirit…” With regard to his “spirit” – his life force, his desires and thoughts and passions, the very things that make him him, we can only imagine what damage being an orphan has done. He has had no one to love him, no one to teach him, no one to approve him. His spirit is probably weak and underdeveloped, just like his body. It needs supernatural strength. Mel and I will give him this as best as we can, but his Father in Heaven needs to do the lion’s share of the work. He’s got a lot of catching up to do, but with God, all things are possible.

                  “Increasing in Wisdom…” When I think of Vanya growing in wisdom, I think of it like this; “Is he wise to us yet?” In essence, does he have some inkling that maybe, just maybe, there are two loving parents out there that are on their way to get him? Adoptive kids oftentimes are so shocked by being removed from the orphanage – the only home they have known – by complete strangers that they almost feel like they’re being kidnapped. While their new parents shower them with love, the kids start off their new family life fearful of their new parents. I don’t want this for Vanya. I don’t want him to fear us. As crazy as this sounds, I want him to know (as best he can know at the age of three and a half) that we are his rightful parents, and be ready to take him home where he actually belongs. “Wisdom” like this can only come from the Lord. It is so impossible that it’s ludicrous. But the Lord oftentimes operates in the ludicrous for those who love Him. It’s how He keeps us on our toes.

                  “And the grace of God was upon him.” Now this one is already somewhat of a done deal. Vanya has God’s grace on him already. By this I mean that God looks at him and says, “I know life sucks for you right now. You’re rejected and forgotten. But I have a plan for you and I’m already working it out. While you’re waiting, I’m going to make you so beautiful and loved – even in your state of rejection and suffering – that you get to your family sooner than you think.” How do I know this is happening? Because we have been told by our adoption agency that Vanya is strangely very loved for an orphan. His orphanage in Bulgaria adores him, they take him on car rides, they dress him up, and they even got him a nanny. They love him so much that they have assigned scholarships and grants to him so that his adoptive family (us) will have less of a financial burden adopting him. For whatever reason, he is favoured. That is God’s grace on him, and I pray it continues.

                  So as the months drag on and we wait to be approved to travel to see him, I pray this prayer for my son, “Lord, You know little Vanya better than I do. You see him alone and rejected and without a family. You know exactly what he needs. I humbly ask You, as your son and servant, that You would make my son strong, that you would strengthen him. I ask You that You would help him grow into the size of person you’ve designed him to be. I ask that You would make him see well enough to see my and Mel’s faces when we come get him. I ask You that you would make him “wise” to us, his new parents, so that we’re not a terrible shock to him. And I pray that Your grace would continue to be on him. All these things are possible for You. So I ask You for them and thank You for them in Faith.”

                  Amen.