Love at First Sight?

Sometimes I feel like I am looking for my lost child… searching the crowd for that one familiar face. I know that my experience does not in any way compare to the grief of a mother whose child has been kidnapped or lost… but my heart is heavy, my arms missing a little warm body to hug, my home devoid of the laughter of a happy little child that should be there. There is a grief I feel, and I am constantly searching for I face I do not know but is no less real just because I do not know it.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes, I do… well, not necessarily for everyone, some people you grow to love. But I think, for me, in all of my very special relationships – my husband, my closest friends – something in my heart recognized something in theirs and I knew… I am meant to be with this person – in friendship, in love. Will I have that same experience with my future little one? Oh, I hope so! I hope that I will recognize my child as soon as I see him or her!

I know it may not happen that way… we may be given a referral or see a child on the list and ask God for guidance and hear His Almighty “Yes!” This would be an equally special experience, to know that God has spoken this child into our family. What a delightful story that will be to tell our little one!

Either way, I don’t care how I know that this child is “the one” but I want to know it soon. Ian and I have come to the point in this adoption process where we are exhausted and worn out with the work and the waiting. We need to see that face, to see our little child to spur us onward. The emptiness grows more and more each day and we strain to see God working out His promises. We walk in faith, yes, but sometimes a glimmer of hope, a glimpse of the goal is needed to keep going our feet moving forward.

We are at the point in the process where we can commit to a child – this is very exciting! I check the website of waiting children every day, multiple times a day. Yes, they only update it every two or three months, but you never know! I even check the lists of other adoption agencies, knowing that eventually these children will be rotated onto our list, at our agency.

Please pray for us… that we would know our child very soon – that we would be matched with the one who will fill our hearts, our arms, and our home. Pray that we would not be worn out with the waiting. Pray that we would move ahead tirelessly through the rest of the dossier process on faith alone, if necessary.

Preparing Our Dossier

We are now preparing our dossier for Bulgaria - the final phase of paperwork. It contains a lot of the same information as the paperwork we have already filled out, so one would think it would be easy.

No...

This is probably the hardest set of paperwork so far... and why? Because some of the documents need to be no older than two months old when sent to Bulgaria. "Oh, that should be easy," you say.

Yes...

Except that most of these documents need to be notorized. "Still easy," you say.

Then we send each individual document to the state government of the document's orgin to be authorized. It is a sort of notorization of the notorized document. And the timeframe in which this is accomplished is uncertain and varies from state to state. So while it may only take a few weeks for Virginian documents, California documents could take months... we just don't know until it happens. It could happen quickly for one document, and take forever for the others.

It is sort of like rubbing your tummy, while patting your head, while jump roping blindfolded - except the pats can only happen two seconds after the rubs. It might only be do-able if the rhythm of the rope is in time with the pats and rubs.

So please pray that we get the timing of all of this just right - otherwise, we have to start the dossier from scratch and try again, losing time and money.

On top of praying for the timing, could you  please also pray for time? It is in short supply nowdays and I have trouble squeezing in the paperwork here and there. We both work full time, have long commutes and are super involved with leadership tasks at church - leading Bible studies, teaching Sunday School, counseling, council, etc. Not to mention the time we love spending with friends - which is so precious to us that we'd rather lose sleep than lose our "iron sharpens iron" times. Sometimes it feels like we don't even have time to breathe. The good news is, we also don't have time enough to complain about being too busy. :) So please do pray we can balance and prioritize our time during this last season of paperwork.

Speaking of seasons... I cannot wait for Spring! The flowers, the warm air, and babies everywhere! We should be ready to send our dossier off to Bulgaria by then (or soon after) and, hopefully, by next Easter, we will have a little new chick of our own. Peep, peep!

I'm Adopted!

I am working on some paperwork for the adoption and have little time to blog this week.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here is a cute video created for dear little adopted kids - like our little one (and you and me too!):

I will be back blogging next week, so until then, much love!

Things My Mother Taught Me

In honor of my mother's birthday, which is this month, I would like to share a few things that she has taught me that I would like to pass on to my children.

1. Always plant a garden – even if you will not be around to see the harvest... someone else might benefit from it.

We moved around a lot when I was a kid – sometimes we only remained at a place for a couple of months before our next move. But my mother always would plant a garden... and she would always tell me this little secret. It taught me so much more than how to grow green beans and tomatoes. While I love the garden lore, the smell of freshly tilled soil, and earthworms, it is the concept that what we do can affect more than just us. We can, and should, try to have an impact beyond our selfish little lives of work, play, and sleep. While we may never see the impact of our actions on others, we are to habitually do good to others. Even if we never get to taste the harvest ourselves. Even if we do not get any praise. Even if our garden withers and is abandoned by all, the chance that is might do someone good is reason enough to plant it.

I tried have applied this idea to all areas of my life, my work, my family... Some of my gardens have withered away. Perhaps I left behind some fruit here and there for some hungry soul. I will never really know, but it has shaped the way I live and enjoy life... and I want my little ones to know this same truth – to always grow little gardens of their own.

2. Life is not fair.

This may seem like a harsh teaching for a child... so many of my friends' mothers strived to make life fair for them - if they whined, the phone call was made, the offending party told off, etc. Not my mom. When we came to her whining... "So-and-so did such-and-such and it wasn't fair!", her response was invariably "Life is not fair." We were told to get over it. To not let it bother us. Life was not going to work out exactly the way we wanted it to and to get used to it.

This harsh, unyielding answer has been a lifesaver. When troubles came, I said, "Life is not fair." And then I kept on. Sorrows came, and I repeated, "Life is not fair" and kept on. I became a strong, enduring, capable woman, unswayed by life's small hiccups, able to climb over doom and despair. Yes, life is not fair, but it can be good. So, while my mother’s teaching made me rock hard on the surface, it has also made my heart soft. I am all the more appreciative when someone does act with integrity and kindness. When God blesses me with a joy out of the ordinary. When good things happen to good people. Because life is not fair, it is a delight when fairness shows up. Or even better… when fairness is surpassed by undeserved favor.

I want my child to have this strength. In fact, I don’t think that they can survive without it.

3. The answer to the question, “Why?”

When I was a child, I would ask “Why do I have to go to bed now?” “Why does brother get to go fishing and I don’t?” I wasn’t asking why – I was complaining. When this was the case, all she said was, “Because.”  Why? Because.  It was almost a game at times… the complaining would stop and we would go in endless circles of “Why?” and “Because.” I would then run off smiling, forgetting my complaint.

Now, I was also very inquisitive as a child, and would frequently ask legitimate “Why?” questions. “Why are there colors? Why do trees grow? Why?” It always amused me that my mom always knew when I was really asking “Why” and when I was complaining. When I did ask in sincerity, I never received “Because.” for an answer, but she would explain the inner workings of the universe to me.

It is a wise person that can tell the difference between the two sorts of whys.  When I find myself complaining, I find my mother’s voice answering “Because.” And I smile. It stops my complaining dead in its tracks. I hope that I have the wisdom to distinguish between the complaints of my child and his or hers quest for knowledge. I hope to play the Why/Because game, turning complaint into laughter.

My mother raised me with many other truths as tools in my belt, but these are my favorites. I am very blessed to have such a mother… and I hope that in my motherhood, I will be able to pass these truths on to my children as well.

Thanks Mom, and Happy Birthday!