Moving Chaos!

So our living room is a pile of boxes right now... we move to our new, bigger, and more wonderful apartment on Thursday.

Note: This blog doesn't endorse or support any of the brands or companies listed in the picture above, except maybe Utz, because they do make super yummy chips.

I'm trying to think of this move as a gigantic nesting effort. That I'm a little bird flying around a bit frantically, trying to find and assemble all the twigs, grass and fluff I can find to prepare a home that is suitable for the arrival of my child.

Sort of makes this move fun... Sort of.

Special thanks to Amy "Where's my sheep?" BoPeep, Hsiao Wei aka "Miss Awesome", Northanger Abigail, Sara "the Veinberg", Nicole "the Knitting Machine", Jeremiah aka "Phineas and Ferb Fan" and Jeff and Kelly "The Newly Weds" for all their super Tetris-like skills in helping getting us packed up!

Babies…

So, here is how the conversation goes. I’ve had this identical conversation with several aquaintances:

Co-worker: “So do you have any kids?”

Me: “Actually, we are in the process of an adoption – it’s very exciting!”

Co-worker: “Oh, that’s awesome. Do you know if you are getting a boy or a girl?”

Me: “No, not yet. All we know now is that we are adopting a special-needs orphan probably around four or five years old.”

Co-worker: “Four or five years old? Not a baby?”

Me: “Yeah, we could get younger than that, but it is unlikely – most of the kids available for adoption are four and older.”

Co-worker: “Hmmm… three years old would be better…”

Please note that at this point I begin to get irked. But I calmly explain the adoption process: For a child to be available for international adoption under Bulgarian law, it has to be legally surrendered by its birth parent(s) and then offered to and rejected by three sets of Bulgarian adoptive parents. All of this is done to protect against child trafficking and it takes time – it is very unlikely that all of this happens before the child is four, if not older.

Co-worker: “Yeah, but it would be so much better if you could adopt a baby…”

I clamp my lips shut at this point, knowing that if I speak, I won’t speak in love. But she continues to talk, with the best intentions, but with her voice reeking of pity.

“And special needs too, that’s so… special. Yeah, so special.”

I smile and excuse myself – I need to run an errand anyway. But the real reason that I leave is that I feel so perturbed, down-right disturbed, and angry at what she said. My blood is boiling. I know that she did not mean to offend – in fact, I think she was trying to compliment me. But I become like the little teapot in the song, “When I get all steamed up, hear me shout!” So I leave the room... but the need to scream a little is still there, so...

Please excuse the rant, but here it is:

Angry (Cyclops?!?) Teapot

I know the theory – it is better to adopt babies because they have an easier transition into the new family and do not remember the old as well as a myriad of other reasons. I would even agree with this theory for the most part. I applaud those who adopt babies, giving them a better life at the youngest age possible.

But what does this mean for older kids – the preschoolers, little children, the teens? For them, it is not better that everyone is adopting babies. Many spend their entire childhoods waiting for a family that never comes. In Bulgaria, all the babies are well taken care of in baby houses, with the staff playing with them and fattening them up, knowing that adoptive parents are lining up in droves to adopt them. In fact, many of the people who are now completing international adoptions of babies as young as two from Bulgaria submitted their paperwork in 2006 – they have been waiting six years to get a baby!

But what about the ones who don’t get chosen… who age out of the baby houses? Well, since there is little chance of them getting adopted once they are this old, they are shipped off to older children orphanages and essentially left there to fend for themselves. They are left to themselves all day long. No hugs, no reading of stories, the only interaction that they get from the adults is during mealtimes when they are given a little gruel and when they are herded as a group to the showers and then to bed – if they are even let out of their cribs in the first place. Not all of the older children orphanages are like this – some are better, some are worst.

There are many reasons that these children don’t get chosen when they are babies… special needs – some as simple as a food allergy, legal issues, or just because they have dark hair and eyes. But they all still need families! They are just as precious, just as cute, just as lovable, just as valuable – but they need to be adopted so much more because it is quite possible that no one else is coming for them.

So when we get in the line for a child when our home study is done, it is true – we are choosing the short line and adopting a child and not a baby. True, we are choosing to adopt a child, not a teen. All of the children in our social group – the children of our dear friends – are all young and we want our child to have lots of friends! But most importantly, God is leading us to adopt someone who really needs us, who He knows will be best for us. Some are called to adopt a baby; we are called to adopt a young child. So, yes, it will be better for us to act in obedience to the calling (such joy!), but most importantly, it will be better for some very precious child!

And one last note to this rant – it is not "special" that we are adopting a special-needs kid! It feels normal and, quite honestly, it will be a privilege to welcome into our family someone who is so very wonderful in the eyes of God.

A Mother's Day Battle

I’m a mom! This Sunday was my first Mother's Day! It is the most beautiful feeling in the world!

It is a title that I will wear like a crown – such responsibility and joy!

“But where’s the kid?” says my enemy who has come to kill my joy. “If you were a mother, you would have a kid in your arms.” It is so tempting to listen to his evil lies. But I have an answer for him:

“My child may be in an orphanage far away, but he or she is my child nonetheless and soon will be in my arms!”

“So far away, so long to wait, such a tremulous connection – you don’t even know who the child is, not even sure if it is a boy or girl… are you sure you’re its mother?” Evil, evil creature to tempt me to despair! But with this dialogue comes the sure knowledge of my calling. The very motherhood that the enemy is calling into doubt rises up within me - I feel like a mother bear and someone is threatening my cub!

“My child is not an orphan! I am its mother and it is loved and wanted beyond all else! I will sacrifice my life to have this child as my own!” I look about me for my sword… ah, here it is:

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Jesus uttered these words for us… but they are my battle cry for my child.

And so I pray, “Father, Your Fatherhood is higher and mightier than any passion of motherhood that comes from me… this child is Your child before it is mine. You are watching over it, protecting it, feeding it, nurturing it, loving it. I may be far away, but You are close. It may be a year or two before I hold him or her, but You are holding my child now. I do not even know if it is a boy or a girl… but you know his or her innermost thoughts and count each heartbeat. I am trusting You with my child, Lord. And I am trusting You with my motherhood. I am trusting You to close the gap in time and space and bring us together as a family. Whisper into the heart of my child – of my love and longing, and how we are preparing a place for him or her and will come soon.”

A Lesson in a Lost Blanket

As a soon-to-be daddy, I find myself learning a lot of lessons not only from other parents but also from the time I spend interacting with and looking after their kids. I’ve figured that if one day I shall have my own kids, I best get busy learning what I can from others’ so I’m better prepared. But I’ve also learned a few lessons about the Lord and how He deals with us, His children. These lessons not only will help me become a better father, but will also help me become a better person as I get to know and understand my Heavenly Father as well. The following is the first of many examples!

A few nights ago, Mel and I had the fun and slightly exhausting pleasure of babysitting the three kids of two of our close friends, Niki and Kelly. They have a seven-year-old girl, a five-year-old boy, and a two-year-old boy. They are awesome, fun, energetic, well-behaved-yet-wild, and everything you’d want your kids to be (or at least everything I want my future kids to be, hah hah!). We spent the evening having a pizza dinner (yes, we feed your kids junk food if we babysit them), pumping them full of chocolate, and watching their favourite movies. We snuggled up on the couch and watched An American Tale: Fievel Goes West, which is an oldie but a goodie that I haven’t seen in literally twenty years. The older kids cuddled up to me and Mel (their favourite babysitters since we always bring them chocolate) whilst the two-year-old clambered all over us noisily yet adorably. Alas, after the movies were done and the chocolate consumed, it ended up being tome for bed – which is when the universe literally started to end…at least according to the oldest!

It started with her not having any sheets on her bed. They were still in the wash, so she pulled them out of the spinning washing machine and tried to put them on her bed. No, we said, you can’t do that since they need to finish washing and then be dried. We found a sleeping bag for her and made her get in it. Crying ensued, crying that turned into sobbing and wailing. Then she discovered that her blankie was missing – the pink one with flowers. “It’s gooooooone!!! I can’t sleep withoooooouuuuut it!!!!!” she wailed in between sobs. At that point I was putting down her younger brother who went to bed without any trouble at all. I came in to say goodnight to her but the sobbing and calamitous wailing continued. I was partly annoyed but also very desperate to fix the problem and rescue her from such disconsolation. But since there seemed little I could do, I said goodnight, hugged her, and left her alone to calm down and go to sleep. A few minutes later, Mel and I found her blankie downstairs and I took it to her, which saved her universe from entering “the big crunch.”

Once Mel and I gathered our wits, it occurred to me that I probably felt a little like how the Lord must feel when we think our universe is literally ending. To some of you, this may sound like weird theology, so do let me explain. We as human beings each have our own universe. Our universe is filled with our wants and needs, the people we love, loathe, or just put up with. We have the things we have set before us, but most of all, each one of us has our very own “blankie.” Our “blankie” could be our new job, our new car, our spouse, our kids, our friends, or an activity we enjoy. Whatever it is, it is something we cling to that comforts us and gets us “through the night.” When this thing is taken away, or we think it’s gone and we can’t find it, we panic. “It’s goooooooone!” we wail. But what we don’t realize is that it may in fact not be gone for good or lost, or it may in fact be gone for a very good reason. Or maybe the Lord wants us to do without it for a while or focus on something more important. We sit in our beds and cry as if the world is about to end, but the Lord stands above us knowing full well what’s going on and that we will in fact be all right in the morning. The Lord loves us, just like I love my “niece and nephews” (which is what I call Niki and Kelly’s kids since we’re practically family). And just like I desperately wanted to fix my “niece’s” problem but knew in the end that my little “niece” would be fine without it, the Lord knows what’s best for us and that if we trust Him, we will indeed be fine in the morning even if our favourite blankie has been lost or taken away.

So, my thanks goes out to my lovely little “niece” who not only gave me and Mel a fun evening of pizza-devouring, chocolate-inhaling, and movie-watching, but who also – completely inadvertently – taught me a wonderful little lesson about God’s Fatherhood of us, His children, and what He has for us.