Breathe Deep

We are almost done with our paperwork!... I think - more keeps coming out of the woodwork.

Do you know what a burden that will be off our backs? Looking back, it wasn't that hard as far as paperwork goes. But it wasn't the paper pushing that was so wearisome. It was that our very lives... and the life of a sweet little dear one... hung in the balance. It seemed like one faulty stroke of the pen could have ended it all.

Our little boy's home... for now.

90% done... and just a medical appointment and some appostilling away from being finished. Of course, that doesn't count in-country paperwork... finalization of the adoption papers, the visa, the passport, etc.

This week we will send our documents off to be apostilled... the medical one will be sent in after our appointment next week. We should be completely done, with our dossier sent in, by the end of June!

And then what will I do?!?! This has been our normal for over a year. I have been doing paperwork when I get home in the evenings, during weekends, early mornings, weekends, for what seems like forever. What will I do with all the free time I will have? It won't last long, I am sure... just some months of waiting and we will have our hands full. (Wait, what am I thinking... I have more grant application papers ahead of me - enough to keep me busy for a while!)

I have tried to sit and contemplate the significance of this little boy joining our family. I have tried to deeply consider the meaning of our little boy coming home to us. What will we do... what changes will need to be made to our lives? What will it be like? What will he be like? I tend to hyperventilate when I think that deep. I hyperventilated when Ian proposed to me. In moments when my entire life changes in an instant, I struggle to keep up.

I've been wanting to write a very deep blog post about the parallels between this adoption and something profound... because this feels very profound. But it is too much for me to grasp right now, when my whole world is spinning. It is hard enough for me to think, "We are going to need a high chair, some baby gates for the kitchen, and lots of diapers..." To think that we have son waiting for us to come and swoop him up is beyond me right now... almost... sometimes it hits me with full strength. It is in those moments that I need to breathe into my brown paper bag. So the very deep blog post will have to wait.

Our Sweet Little Boy

That is how all the people who have met our little boy describe him... sweet. We can't wait to meet the sweet little boy.

I have looked at his photos so much I have them memorized. The smiles and the inquisitive looks. The interest in his toy that he is playing with. His long fingers and cute little chin. Someday soon we will be able to share these photos, but until we get the official referral, they are all ours... our secret treasure.

That he is "sweet" is one of the few things we do know about him. We know so little about him... and so much of what we do know seems not very definite. If you had a scale and were weighing what we know against what we don't, it would seem that the "we don't knows" would far outweigh the "we knows" - except for one tiny little fact that outweighs everything:

He is ours!

I have never known anything so certainly in my life. He is my son, and my heart rejoices to see his face. My arms long to hold him close.

We are so looking forward to discovering our little boy... is he really sweet? Or is he wild and full of life? I hope that he is both. We probably get to visit him this fall! It is then that we will sign the final paperwork and our case goes before the courts. We may have him home by Christmas! Maybe sooner, maybe later... but soon!

The first response of many of my dear friends and sisters was... shopping! This is the natural celebratory response of many, I know. As of now, we are not buying him anything until see him. We don't know his size or his abilities - not for certain anyway. After we visit him, we will come back with a long shopping list, I am sure, and all the aunties can shop to their heart's content.

What we need now are prayers and finances.

Prayers

Our little boy needs healing... his lungs are damaged and weak. His eyes need sight. His legs need strength. I know from first hand experience that our God is a healing God - pray that the healing starts now.

He also needs to come home soon and get better medical care... he has doctors there... but we were not too impressed with their care of him, to say the least. He needs more nutrition than the orphanage is able to give him. He needs love and home cooking and a team of doctors to sort out a plan to get him healthy. Pray that the process moves quickly and that we get to bring him home sooner than later.

Our little boy has been alone in the world for almost three years... since birth. He doesn't even know what a mommy and daddy are. He probably has never seen a parent/child relationship. Ever. All he knows are the other orphans and the orphanage workers. Pray for his heart to be prepared for us to be his mommy and daddy. He doesn't know he needs us... he does even know about us yet... but pray that his heart will welcome us when we come for him.

Finances

The good news is that the issue with my paycheck that I blogged about two weeks ago is almost completely resolved!! Whoever heard of a pay cut being reversed?!!? God is definitely on the move.

More good news is that we received a $2000 grant and are being considered for another grant for the amount of $1500!

If we get the $1500 grant, we are still needing to raise about $3000 for the remainder of the international fees. And we will also need travel funds for the visit and the "gotcha" trip. Tickets to Bulgaria are expensive - and we have to make two trips! I will check with the adoption agency as to the average cost of the trip with housing and transportation included and then let everyone know. Then there will be lots of miscellaneous fees for our little boy's visa, passport, etc. All of this seems to be a mountain in my eyes, but God (and our dear friends) have brought us over so many mountains recently, it seems foolish to doubt.

We will be applying for more grants and trusting in God's provision, but if you would to take part in bringing our little boy home, here are a few ways you can contribute.

The process of the adoption has been long and arduous but we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... we know who our son is and now can work on bringing him home. It is still a difficult road... but now it is also fun and exciting!

We have a son! We have a son! Hurrah, we have a son!

The Crazy Joy of “Choosing”

Diary of a Soon-to-be Daddy

From Wednesday, May 8, 2013

 Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing…”

It’s approximately thirty minutes before Mel gets home from work, and I have something I’ve been waiting to tell her – Happy Mother’s Day.

Yes, that’s right, Happy Mother’s Day. No, it’s not quite Mother’s Day yet; it’s coming up on Sunday. But I want to tell Mel that beautiful blessing today because I have just made the biggest decision that we have ever made, at least the biggest decision after my decision to ask Mel to marry me.

I have decided that we are going to go ahead with adopting a boy we’ve been looking at on the Bulgarian orphanage’s list. Yes, we are finally adopting an actual, single, unique person. We are taking the plunge. No longer will the adoption be about “a kid” or “a Bulgarian child with special needs.” No, this adoption will be about a boy named Val – well, that is not his real name, but it’s what we will call him here on the blog – for now anyway. A person. A boy. Unique, special, blessed; a future Elliott!

I can’t wait to tell Mel. I am crazy with eagerness and joy. But I am also strangely hesitant and nervous. This is a huge decision. This is our parenting future coming into existence right before our eyes. This is something that will change the life of a human being that we’ve never met, that doesn’t even know we exist. Thousands of miles away, someone’s life is changing, and he doesn’t even know it!

So how did I reach this decision? Well, the decision was not made alone. It was not made without Mel’s input. While the final decisions for our family are ultimately up to me, I always seek Mel’s input. As my wife she is my strongest ally. She’s insightful, intelligent, and thorough. Any decision I make for our family will be made indubitably stronger with her wise input. And her wise input came into this decision quite strongly.

She found Val a couple days ago on the adoption agency’s website. Every two months the adoption agency is sent a new list of children for adoptive parents to review and consider adopting. Every two months Mel and I look over these kids and discern whether they would be a good fit for us. Every time that we’ve done this thus far, we have come away with the decision that none of the kids is ours yet. Every month I have waited on the Lord and He has said, “No, these kids have futures that don’t involve you.” Every month I have submitted to the Lord’s perfect plan, but I have done so with immeasurable heartbreak.

But this month we saw Val. He is a happy-looking little two-year-old boy who has vision problems and s apparently slightly “lame” in his lower legs, meaning that he has difficulty walking without assistance. He also has some lung issues. The medical paperwork that came with him gave inconsistent information about his condition, but we were reassured that, with a loving family, his development as a person would come along quite well. All in all, he looked like a strong contender.

So we began praying. At first, I was hesitant to pray. It’s not that I was lazy or that I wanted Mel to make the decisions. No, no, and again no. It’s that putting before the Lord the lives of these children and the future of our role as parents is very difficult for me. I have a father’s loving heart. I want to be a dad so badly that I get so emotionally wrapped up in the fact that, with a simple Yes from the Lord, I might suddenly be a dad, or that with a sudden No from the Lord, my years of waiting will continue. So Mel prayed, and I dithered.

Yesterday, Mel was praying and kept hearing the name Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan. She figured, rather downheartedly, that it was the Lord saying that Val would be adopted by another family and that their new, adoptive name for him would be Jonathan since we have our own new adoptive name planned for him. But the Lord prompted her to do some biblical research on the name Jonathan. She did, and came to the story of Jonathan, the son of King Saul in 2 Samuel. The story basically goes that David, the new king of Israel, wanted to reward the loyalty of his deceased best friend Jonathan by accepting members of Jonathan’s family into his kingly family. He searched for members of Jonathan’s family but came up with only Mephibosheth, a young man who had been lame since birth and who was Jonathan’s son. King David told this young man that due to his father’s loyalty to King David, he would adopt him into his family, let him eat at his kingly banqueting table, and give him all the lands that had belonged to his father’s family. It was a story of love, adoption, redemption, inheritance, and awesomeness. I read this chapter at Mel’s request and the story began to make sense to me – there were just too many parallels!

First, Val is “lame” in both feet, and has been since he was very young, just like Mephibosheth in the story. Secondly, he is a person without a family who has lost everything. He was born into a family, but was dumped on the state and abandoned. When he becomes part of Mel’s and my family, he will receive the reward of his adoption – love, a rich spiritual inheritance, and so on. And best of all, he will eat at my banqueting table!

For any of you that really know me, you know what a big deal “my banqueting table” is for me. One of the ways I show my friends I love them is by having them over to good dinners; dinners where Mel makes amazing food, where I brew amazing coffee and espresso, where I lay the table in our wedding china, and where I have people sit In specific places at the table, old-fashioned-style, depending on how best I wish to honour them! It’s all very old-fashioned and silly, but it’s me, it’s who I am, and it’s how I bless people. King David’s royal banqueting table is mentioned several times in the story, as if to emphasize it above many other details. This may seem like a coincidence to you, and maybe even not enough of a concrete detail to base an adoption on, but for me, it’s the little details, “the foolish things” that confirm to me that this is right.

So, my interest was piqued. I got into the shower late this morning (I stayed home from work since I have a dental appointment today to talk about extracting two teeth tomorrow!) and began praying. I asked the Lord whether we should go ahead with Val. I asked Him to confirm that the scriptural direction He gave Mel was adequate enough for us to go ahead with this. He said simply “Yes.” I prayed harder, not satisfied that this one, single, simple word was enough to base changing our lives and the life of someone else across the globe. “Lord,” I pleaded,” I need something bigger than that! This is another person’s life I’m talking about! I don’t want to test Your word but You know this is a big deal to me!” All of a sudden my mind was led to the story in Matthew 8 about Jesus healing the Roman centurion’s paralyzed (another coincidence?) servant. The centurion came to Jesus and asked Him to heal his servant. Jesus said yes, He would, and that He would go see him. The centurion said instead that all Jesus had to do was give the word and he, the centurion, would know that the healing had been done. He clarified that since he was a military man, he understood the concept of a single word being given and the resultant orders being carried out. Jesus responded to the centurion by congratulating him for his rock-solid faith and telling the twelve disciples how steadfast the centurion’s faith in God was, even though he was a gentile and didn’t have the traditional Jewish understanding of God.

This was all the confirmation I needed. Jesus was reminding me that as a person of faith, which I am and have been since a young age, I understand the concept of acting based on a single word. I don’t need God to repeat Himself like a broken record to get me to move. I don’t need to lay out fleeces like Gideon for God to prove that He’s speaking to me. All I need is the word, and I know what to do. So in this moment, I knew the Lord was confirming to me that He had said Yes, and that He was telling me to make the final “Yes” decision for this adoption! AND, He was congratulating me for my rock-solid faith – a faith that doesn’t need to ask God to repeat Himself; a faith that hears the word and acts on it.

So here I am, 5:55 on a stormy, springtime Wednesday afternoon, now twenty minutes before a very unsuspecting Mel gets home, and I am going to tell her she has a son across the pond that we are going to adopt. I have Mother’s Day flowers and chocolates in the dining room with a card tucked in the box of chocolates saying that I know she’s going to make a great mommy. I am nervous, crazy, joyful. I know the adoption isn’t done yet, not by a long shot. I know full well that the worst-case scenario might happen and this kid might be adopted by someone else or might vanish into thin air or might…whatever! It may not be a done deal yet, but it’s a deal, it’s a decision, it’s parenting, I guess!

So, with faith, hope, and love – and a lot of crazy emotions – here we go!!!

The Story of a Battle

Did you notice that there was no blog last week?

We were caught up in a battle… our arms locked with an enemy so dreadful and dangerous that we could not let down our guard for a moment. This enemy’s name need not be mentioned… we all know him and have crossed swords with him probably a couple times recently. His aim is to kill, steal, and destroy.

We are in the midst of some rather discouraging circumstances – but those circumstances are not the problem – for we know that God can overcome them quite easily. These circumstances involve my paycheck and could really wreak some havoc to our finances. However, like I said, God can overcome these circumstances quite easily, in one way or another. The real danger in this situation was not the circumstances, but our reaction to them. This is where our enemy comes in with lies, pushing us to hopelessness and despair. He wants us to lose faith, to throw away our hope, and to give up on this adoption and on God.

Well, last Tuesday, we were losing the battle. We sat down and hung our heads and listened to the lies of the enemy. We entertained despair. Our last action before collapsing and giving up all hope was to reach out to our family in Christ with a feeble cry for help. We know from long practice that this is the only battle maneuver that will drive the enemy back.

People did pray, and we gained strength. We asked for more prayer. People prayed and we found peace. We turned to God’s Word and remembered His promises and His character and trusted in Him. We are still in this battle, but have handed the sword over to God, knowing His victory is certain.

And in the midst of this, a glimmer of new hope came – one completely unrelated to the paycheck thing. God is moving… somehow. God is making things happen. We don’t know what He is doing yet, but He is doing something. We feel the wind changing, but the new direction is not yet known. The battle we have been experiencing is but a distraction from something awesome that is happening. If we were still hanging our heads, we would have totally missed it.

The circumstances still exist; we still have a mountain in front of us. But God’s people have told this mountain to move – what choice does it have but to obey? These circumstances are but dead leaves to be blown away by a powerful Wind. How weak these things are when you compare them to the strength of God’s promises!

Will you please join us in prayer to move this mountain? We would also love it if you would also pray for God to reveal to us His next steps in this adoption and that we would set our sight on Him only.

I can’t wait to see what God is doing!

The Elliotts at Home

Hello All!

Our adoption process is inching along... getting the little things done on the dossier paperwork while we wait for the FBI to get our most recent round of background checks done (this is the third and final set).

One of the items that needed to be prepared was a set of photos showing our home life. One of our dear friends - who is a very accomplished professional photographer - came and snapped and clicked away and captured our life so beautifully.

Here is a picture of us!

Yes, this is the first picture that our child will see of his or her new mommy and daddy! (Well, if the orphanages even do that... I get mixed stories about if these photo are just for the officials or for introducing us to our kid.) But, yes, that is what we look like.

She took photos of us doing all the things we love... reading, playing board games, baking. We were photographed preparing our new kiddo's room and in every room of our apartment, hanging out on our balcony, even walking by the lake. In the end, I think that who ever sees these photos will have a pretty comprehensive view of our life at home.

(By the way, if you are interested in her services, our friend does photo shoots all over the DC metro area. Just let me know and I will connect you with her. We highly recommend her! )

I can't wait to have her come and do another photo shoot of our new addition to the family... once the dust settles, that is!

Seedlings

For the first time in many years, I am gardening! I have my little seedlings that I started many weeks ago out on the balcony getting acclimated to the sunshine and fresh breezes. Will soon transplant them into their pots where they will live the rest of their lives, blooming and (hopefully) producing fruit. Cucumber for pickles, tomatoes and chilies for salsa, and squash for me to saute in butter. Mmmm.

At this point in the gardening process, I normally choose only the most healthy seedlings to transplant. The ones with strong stalks and big leaves. But this adoption is making me far too tenderhearted. I cannot for the life of me get rid of the "special needs" seedlings in favor of the stronger ones, so they are going in the pots too. The weak ones, the ones with shrivelled leaves, the ones scarred from having difficulty shedding the seed pod. Sigh. I love them all.

Some people have been taken aback at the news that we are adopting a special needs child. Because of this. I normally don't tell people who I think won't understand or who may be negative about it. Not that most people are rude - they are just awkward and start acting like I have bit of broccoli in my teeth and won't look at me straight.

(Please note, anyone who know us - truly knows us - didn't bat an eyelash when we told them the exciting news of our adoption of a kid from Bulgaria that would need a little extra care. Our friends and loved ones were just as excited as we were!)

The conversation normally goes like this:

Acquaintance: So, do you have any kids? (Up unto this point, they have been talking forever about their kids and have noticed my silence.)

Me: We are in the process of an adoption, so yes. (To just say, "No, I don't have kids" leads into another awkward conversations about how I really should - people are so opinionated. Anyway... I love talking about our kid!)

Acquaintance: Really! How exciting! Domestic? (Because this the preferred option, you know.)

Me: Yes, it is exciting! No, from Bulgaria!

Acquaintance: Oh! (Less excited at this point but still determined to carry on the conversation somehow.) Boy or Girl? How old?

Me: (Still excited.) Oh, we don't know yet - but there are more boys available than girls, so maybe a boy. And we are adopting a kid between the ages of two and six. Though we could go older if we saw just the perfect one for us.

Acquaintance: Oh. Not a baby? (With the tone of voice that says, "A baby would be better." Because, you know, they are the expert.)

Me: No... Bulgaria only has two and up available for adoption. That is all we really know about out kid. Oh, and our kid will have special needs. (I am getting annoyed at this point, but am still too excited that I get to speak out all I know about my cutie pie.)

Acquaintance: Oh. You must be a saint. (This is not admiration, but patronization.)

And before I can say another word of explanation, the conversation is quickly changed or the person just walks away. I have only had this conversation a handful of times... then I just stopped sharing.

But let me explain to you, dear reader, we are not saints. We are not better people than anyone else. We were asked to adopt, to rescue, one of God's little ones whom He loves most, to love and provide a simple home. We just said yes, where others say no. That is all. Even that did not come from us, but from having hearts that God has made soft and eager to return the love that He has so abundantly give us.

We are the same as anyone else. Are we stronger? No, God will give us strength. Are we wiser? No, but God will give us wisdom. Are we more loving? No, but God's love abounds in our hearts and even overflows.

A child with special needs is still a child. And a child who deserves life... abundant life with lots of hugs and cookies, and maybe even some baseball games thrown in. We are willing to work hard and long to enable our child to have this life. We want this life together with them. We want this child earnestly, desperately, and impatiently!

The Gift of Citizenship

Several weeks ago Mel and I went to a government office and then a police station to get our fingerprints taken. No, we weren't being booked (Danno), we were providing our fingerprints to the U.S. Government so that when our adopted child lands on American soil with us, he will automatically receive U.S. citizenship. It was a terrible ordeal - not because anything went wrong, but simply because we were feeling the intensity of the battle for our child's future life with us. This past week, we received a letter in the mail from the US Customs and Border Protection: our child's future citizenship is approved!

This for me is a big deal for many reasons. On one hand, a "new" citizenship is something that means more to me as a citizen of two countries than it may mean to someone who's grown up as a citizen-by-default of the nation they were born in. It also means a lot to me that something I really prize - my American citizenship - will be given to my future child even though he, like me, was born in another country.

Having an American mother, I was considered an American citizen the day I was born, even though I was born in a women's hospital in south London (right across the street from the Clapham South Tube Station - go Clapham!). While I remain a British subject to this day (and am very proud of that in its own right), I have the gift of American citizenship. It was given to me by my mum. All the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of that citizenship were granted to me free. That gift has allowed me to move to the States and make a new life for myself. And now I get to pass that on!

But more than that, it means something to me spiritually. St. Paul writes in Philippians 3 that we all can be citizens of the Kingdom of God, not just of this world. While we possess citizenships in the nations of Man, those who choose to serve the Lord have a greater citizenship in His Kingdom. We obtain this citizenship the moment we choose to be adopted into His Family through salvation. We then live, work, and have fellowship with our fellow Citizens and we celebrate daily our higher Allegiance (while still of course respecting and working for the spiritual health of our earthly countries - I Peter 2, Romans 13, etc). God created this holy citizenship and has been working since time began to encourage the human race to receive it through adoption into His family.

How is this relative to my upcoming fatherhood? My future child has no idea that right now, at this very moment, he has the certainty of being an American citizen as well as part of my family. He is stuck in a fetid crib in a crumbling orphanage, probably starving, emaciated, and dejected. He has no idea that Mel and I have worked so hard and done so much for him just so that he can come be with us and enjoy the citizenship we have. But one day, he will. We will pick him up and bring him home. He will enjoy his citizenship that we worked hard to get for him. It has been so hard for me and Mel to get this. It has taken time out of our work days, time out of our lives, time away from our friends, and has been unfathomably stressful. In essence, it has taken sacrifice. In the same way the Christ sacrificed for us so that we could have citizenship in His Kingdom, Mel and I have sacrificed so that our future child, even though he doesn't know it right now, can have citizenship in our "kingdom." But best of all, like Jesus who has been victorious and who rejoices when we obtain His citizenship, we will too. This adoption will one day be done, we will see victory, and we will enjoy our citizenship as a family together!