Toys, Toys, Toys!

We are running short on time… trying to get everything done before our trip. We don’t just have to get ready for it (and get ready to meet our little son!), we have to make sure plants are watered, mail stopped, and bills paid.

Who knew leaving for a week could be so stressful? We are using our vacation time to go visit our little one… vacations are supposed to be relaxing!

One of the fun things of getting ready has been toy shopping! Toys to occupy his hands while his heart gets to know us as MOM and DAD!

Toys that roll, toys that hum, toys that make noise! 

 

Toys that meet him where he is at developmentally, that will tickle his fancy – we hope.

What little boy doesn’t love cars? We know our little boy loves to go for rides! What little boy does not love to make noise? Or play ball?

Toys that flash and spin bright lights, that play tunes when you pinch their noses, books to read, balls to toss, and teddy bears to snuggle!

Not all at once though… we will give him the toys a couple at time over the course of a week. So we will play. And as we play, we will get to know each other. We will bond. We will pray blessings. As we love on him.

Don’t look for a blog next week… we have some serious playing to do!

Impossible

Ian and I have been busy… at work, at church, at home. We even seem busy in our sleep. What with the end of the fiscal year, a new season of teaching bible study and Sunday school, not to mention planning all the details of our first visit to meet our new little son, we are definitely burning the candle at both ends – perhaps in the center too, just for good measure.

But in the middle of the busy, busy, busy, I stop. I stop and find peace. I stop and give thanks. I stop and linger in the embrace of the One who makes the impossible possible.

The impossible…

Yes, I am talking about our adoption… and so much more.

I am talking about how He transformed a sad, silent little girl into vibrant and powerful woman (me!).

How He takes broken bodies and minds that are beyond a doctor’s help and makes them brand new (also me!)

How He loved the world so much, that He gave His own Son to death that we could have life.

Impossible love.

God defines love differently than we do.  Our definition of love is a deep feeling of devotion and adoration. And yes, that is awesome… but not impossible. Even evil people can love that way.

But impossible love is on a much bigger scale. It is more than a feeling – it’s an action plan that started before all time began. It involved thousands upon thousands of years to work it out, billions of people, and the most crushing loss ever – the death of the invincible on behalf of the fallible.

The goal? Simply to give me the most awesome existence ever– to make me the most Melanie-est Melanie ever in the best way possible. Take that goal and multiply it by billons. To somehow give everyone who has ever lived exactly what they need to be the most joyful, most awesome, most incredible version of themselves ever. 

“Impossible”, you say. “You can’t please all the people all the time.”

Someone did. God figured out a way to do it. There was only one way to do this and He found it. A way wherein everyone gets to win and everyone gets the prize.

“I don’t know”, you say, “I definitely don’t have the most wonderful existence ever. I am hot and bothered, I suffer and everything really is horrible. And I know I am not the only one… it seems this plan is failing.”

This plan is not done yet. We are not done yet. We don’t get to see the final end anymore than cake batter gets to see the wedding cake it becomes. Right now we are oozy, unformed versions of ourselves. But God is working out His plan in us – in our neighbors, in the guy on the street corner, in that obnoxious co-worker.  We are not done yet. We need a little heat, a little discomfort and maybe even searing pain to form us into that miraculous wedding cake version of ourselves. It’s yucky. It feels unfair. But in the end we will have our cake and eat it too.

We don’t know what is best for us… we try, we fail, and sometimes we succeed, but even our success is only a shadow of the success He has planned for us. We see glimpses of what is to come, but we don’t see it fully. Yes, it is a matter of belief and trust, but I have seen enough glimpses to know that the reality which is to come is good beyond my wildest of dreams. At the end of the plan, when it all comes together, we are left with impossible perfection.

This is what love means to Him. At all costs, even the highest cost, he arranged for each of us to have a happy ending – the best happy ending possible… which will turn out to be just the beginning of eternity.

My life has been hard. Ian’s life has been hard. My little son across the ocean, who has barely experienced any of his life – his life has been hard.

When life is impossibly busy, when life is impossibly hard… when I am going crazy with sorrow… crazy with fear… I stop and find peace. I stop and give thanks. I stop and linger in the embrace of the One who makes the impossible possible through His impossible love.

God Places the Lonely in Families

One of my favorite sayings is “God places the lonely in families.”


 

When I first heard this one, I was a little offended… Well, more like offended a lot! I thought, “Who said I was lonely! Who said I needed a family! I like being by myself just fine. I don’t need anyone! I have a family anyway… who lives thousands of miles away, but they are there! And I have friends… who also live thousands of miles away… and… wait a moment… I guess I am lonely – especially in this time zone. Waiting for the West Coast to wake up is a long, lonely time. Long distance hugs are rather lonely too. Sigh, I guess I do need God to place me in a family out here in the wilds of Washington DC.”

Here be dragons!



So I asked Him for a family… and boy, did He answer! I have the most awesome family ever here in DC (to complement my West Coast family). I have friends, true bosom buddies, kindred spirits, Jonathans to my David and Davids to my Jonathan! If I was ever being attacked in a dark alley, these are the people who I’d want to have my back. And they would!

But I was also lonely in another way too…

People often quote this “God places the lonely in families” in reference to orphans being adopted… How God scoops them up and puts them into the loving arms of a new mom and dad – sometimes with new brothers and/or sisters! And it is true – He does find just the right fit for these little ones who have lost so much. They are lonely no more!

But the other side of the coin is just as true – it’s not just the child that gets placed in a family – it’s the lonely mom and dad yearning for a little one. God places the parents in this family just as much as the child….

We were lonely for a little son… our arms – and hearts were empty. No pitter-patter of little feet. No cuddles and tucking in at bedtime. It is a horrible loneliness that breaks your heart and shatters your soul.

But now, in a matter of weeks, we will visit the little one that God has placed us with – he is our family and God’s cure to our specific brand of loneliness. No, it will not be an easy or instantaneous family – it will be a labor of love. He will need to get to know and become attached to us and we will need to get to know and become attached to him. There will be times of craziness and times of figuring everything out… probably for the foreseeable future. And we know the pitter-patter of little feet will occur at 2:00 a.m. and then be followed by cuddles and tucking in for the nth time that night, and we will be dead tired, probably cranky as all get out, and incapable of putting a coherent sentence together the next morning – but it will be family. It will be family at last.

So frequently we hear, “He is so lucky to be adopted by you!”

Little do they know, we are the “lucky” ones… we are the recipients of this blessing, this healing miracle.

What joy! What absolute joy!

How Great Thou Art!

Amazing, incredible, unbelievable, exciting news!

We have our travel dates for our first trip… during the last week of September! We finally get to meet our son! It seems like we have been waiting all his life to see him… and now we will – at last!

And more stupendous, astonishing, mind-boggling, miraculous news!

We are fully funded for the last of the adoption fees and our first trip… many, many people gave above and beyond, generously and courageously! We are so grateful and pour our thanks out to you who gave and to you who prayed. I am at a loss for words... I stand floored and amazed at your love for us and for our little orphan-no-more.

The Lord was faithful; He said, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” He did not leave this little one as an orphan – He provided as he promised. Provided a family (us!), provided a way, provided dear friends and family to help bring him home!

This is his redemption; his new life with us will open a new chapter in his life that will restore the lost years. His ransom is paid – and soon he will go free.

My heart sings…

God is Faithful

I read a lot of blogs written by adoptive families about their children’s adoption and how their little ones are adapting to family life. For the most part, I am encouraged, strengthen, and cheered by their journeys. I am very grateful that they are willing to open a little window on their lives for me to watch, grateful for the stories of joy, love, and transformation they share. What a privilege!

I am also grateful for the stories they share of sorrow, grief, and loss. Stories of the fear that the children face when they are taken from their orphanage – the only home they have ever know. Stories of their children handed over from the orphanage bruised and beaten – with scars showing years of abuse. Of children dying of starvation and neglect before the families who are trying to adopt them finish their paperwork.

It is hard to hear these stories. My heart has been broken with these all too true tales. Sometimes I would rather not hear, not see, anything about the dark side of adoption. But it is there – and it is important to acknowledge. Yes, there is great joy in adoption, but it is the joy of turning away the darkness in a child’s life, of changing fear to security, of changing mourning to joy.

Adoption, especially from Eastern Europe, comes with the very possible reality that the child you receive into your family has a great deal of grieving to do and is in need of a great deal of healing. It is very likely that they have learned that adults do not meet their needs and cannot be relied upon for the most basic of care and can even be a source of great harm. These children are perceived as broken and in many ways, they are. And because they are broken, nobody wants them. They remain in their orphanages waiting for families that never come. As the months and years go by, they become even more broken and are rejected even more, and treated even worse by those who have been assigned to care for them.

Perhaps I have a bit of a Messiah complex, but I want to save these children from this vicious cycle. If I could, I would prevent it in the first place – but I cannot force a parent to want their child; I cannot change a culture where children are considered disposable; I cannot erase the poverty, death and sin that breaks up families. I cannot stop the broken souls who run the orphanages from hitting and taking out their anger on the little children in their care. I cannot even adopt them all… or even a significant number of them… I am doing all I can right now with the adoption of just one.

There is one other thing that I can do – be their advocate – both spiritually and socially. I can pray for them… and you can too. And maybe if we all really prayed, and not just say that we would, God would move and save these dear little souls. And I can pray for families to hear God’s call on their lives to be rescuers of these little ones. With most people, this is just not a place where they are at yet – they are not ready yet – perhaps not ever.

I often wonder how God sees it all… He is far more understanding than I am – He knows people’s hearts and is working on them to be more like Him. He is teaching us to be His hands – to love as He loves, to sacrifice as He sacrificed… we are being transformed into His image. I know a few of years ago, Ian and I were nowhere near ready or even open bring a strange child into our home – especially not one with “special needs”. But God transformed me (and Ian too)… it hurt more than anything I have ever experienced, but He changed me into person who happily, joyfully, lovingly longs to rescue, at any cost, an imperfect, “broken” child. I would not have thought it possible a few years ago. Who knew! God did.

So I will be patient as God works out the hearts of those He is calling to be mothers and fathers to the motherless and fatherless, to the rejected, the broken, the lost and forgotten. In fact, I have a special place in my heart for them – it is a hard transformation to endure. I will encourage them, cheer them onward, believe in them, and love them. But what about the children? There is a promise we can lean on… If we are faithless, He is faithful. (If it was me, I would say when, not if, we are faithless… we humans are rather predictable that way.) I trust that as I pray, He is working out a rescue plan for each little soul. Even if I am faithless and don’t pray, He is there!

 

Update on the adoption and fundraising… it is going well – we are still waiting for that signature! We are grateful for the deep generosity of our friends and family. We are getting closer and closer to having our final payment of adoption fees ready – we still need about $2165 plus the cost of travel. We will need to buy plane tickets for our first trip as soon as we receive our travel dates as the cost is going up like crazy… it is now about $1100 per ticket! If you would like to help, it would mean the world to us! Donation Options.

The Perfect Child

I have the perfect child. I look at his photos – so smiley. Sitting there quietly, playing with his toys. Such intelligence – so inquisitive! Handsome and he hasn’t thrown a temper tantrum yet!

But he isn’t real.

The child I imagine my son to be is a fabrication. He is no more real than a storybook character. My ideas of who he is and what he is like are based on assumptions. Yes, I know what the adoption agency has told me about him – I have practically memorized it. I have poured over each corner of the photographs, trying to discover the world in which he lives. But I don’t know him.

When we fly to meet him in the very near future, we will begin a journey of discovery. We will find out what he is like… and if that is a freckle under his chin or is he just did not have his face wiped after lunch. We will start to get to know the real boy. Perhaps our assumptions will turn out to be correct… perhaps not, but we would rather know the truth about him, about who he is. We don’t want the perfect child – we want the real, squirmy, screaming, bundle of joy – complete with dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and mess. 

Right now, that very real child, my very real son, is half a world away. I don’t hear his cries, I don’t know if he is hungry, or scared, or forgotten. We don’t hear how he is doing. Is he sick? In the hospital?!? They would not tell us if he was. I lay awake at night wondering if he is okay. If your three-year-old was half a world away in the care of strangers, could you sleep at night?

I do trust that God is watching over him. I do know that I probably have no need to worry. But I would rather have him here, in my arms, taking care of his every need.

No, we have not received our travel dates yet. Yes, I am pestering the adoption agency, but they must have gotten caller id and are avoiding my calls. Probably not, I am just being grumpy and impatient. Perhaps this is God’s grace, though, as we are still trying to come up with funds. God and our dear friends are joining together to get us what we need to go get our little guy – I am often moved to tears at people’s generosity and their loving prayers. Where would we be without you guys? Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Our adoption agency told us yesterday that once we receive our travel dates, we will have just two weeks to get in all the funds, buy tickets, and fly out. Yes, it will be crazy. Yes, God will provide. Yes, crazy fun. I am eager to see how God will do it all - I have faith that He can and will, but how is a mystery to me. It's like we are waiting for a grand reveal of His provision. I can't wait to see what He will do.

Here is the link if you would like to help us with the funds to bring our little son home! Donation Options. Prayers are also very much needed!

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

We are still waiting for our travel dates… they could be in our mail box RIGHT NOW!!! But when we check – just bills and junk mail.

We have had very little idle time in our adoption process. There has always been a pile of paperwork to do to help the waiting along. But now… just a couple of weeks have felt like an eternity. Yes, there still is the fundraising to do, and grants to search for and apply to, etc.

Fundraising is a funny thing… it takes your pride and pulverizes it. I have to keep in mind that I am doing this for little Vanya, who needs to come home to us. I know everyone who sends in the funds is doing it to bring him home as well. That gives me a little courage to step out and ask, for his sake.

The search for grants that we are eligible for is frustrating as well. Most of them have income limits that we do not meet as a two income family. I am happy that families with lower incomes have these grants available to them, but I wish there was some adjustment for location. It takes much more to pay the bills here on the outskirts of DC than it does in the wilds of Texas. If anyone knows of a grant that has a higher income limit or is willing to consider location, please email me!

One thing that has helped in the waiting is a dear friend in California that has sent me a large order of holiday knitting to get started on. Not only is it wonderful to be able to put that money in Vanya’s adoption fund, it is awesome to have something for my hands to do. And I do love yarn…

Ian is busy getting ready for our trip… Bulgarian phrase book, travel guide, researching flights, figuring out what to do about luggage (the airline on one of our last trips obliterated our bags – and then told us it was our fault for buying cheap bags…which they weren’t, they were a very nice present of high quality luggage – grrr!). As we may not get much notice, we need to be ready to grab our bags and go. Some people have received as little as seven days to get on a plane – although it may be as long as two months… or more. We are hoping for something in between, of course.

Good thing we already know the alphabet from studying Russian!

So August continues to creep by… but any moment now, our waiting to will turn into a frenzy of action. Oh, I can’t wait to see my little munchkin! To hold him in my arms! To see his great big smile and to hear his laughter! We know that he is ticklish from his pictures… hee hee… I can’t wait to find his tickle spots and play tickle bug with him.

One last thing – his picture! I am sure everyone is eager to see our little Vanya, but we are being very careful with his picture. We are not allowed to post it on the internet or email it to anyone. We want to be sure that the picture doesn’t get into the wrong hands and the only way to do that is to remain in sole possession of the file. This is for Vanya’s protection and a requirement of our adoption agency. The only exception to this was that we can share with our very immediate family– and they are under strict instructions to keep a close hold on the file. However, next time you see us in person, we can give you a peek – just ask! And soon, we will at a stage in the adoption when we will be able to show off pictures of our son to everyone… and show him off in person soon too!

I can’t wait to get home and check the mail!