Babies…

So, here is how the conversation goes. I’ve had this identical conversation with several aquaintances:

Co-worker: “So do you have any kids?”

Me: “Actually, we are in the process of an adoption – it’s very exciting!”

Co-worker: “Oh, that’s awesome. Do you know if you are getting a boy or a girl?”

Me: “No, not yet. All we know now is that we are adopting a special-needs orphan probably around four or five years old.”

Co-worker: “Four or five years old? Not a baby?”

Me: “Yeah, we could get younger than that, but it is unlikely – most of the kids available for adoption are four and older.”

Co-worker: “Hmmm… three years old would be better…”

Please note that at this point I begin to get irked. But I calmly explain the adoption process: For a child to be available for international adoption under Bulgarian law, it has to be legally surrendered by its birth parent(s) and then offered to and rejected by three sets of Bulgarian adoptive parents. All of this is done to protect against child trafficking and it takes time – it is very unlikely that all of this happens before the child is four, if not older.

Co-worker: “Yeah, but it would be so much better if you could adopt a baby…”

I clamp my lips shut at this point, knowing that if I speak, I won’t speak in love. But she continues to talk, with the best intentions, but with her voice reeking of pity.

“And special needs too, that’s so… special. Yeah, so special.”

I smile and excuse myself – I need to run an errand anyway. But the real reason that I leave is that I feel so perturbed, down-right disturbed, and angry at what she said. My blood is boiling. I know that she did not mean to offend – in fact, I think she was trying to compliment me. But I become like the little teapot in the song, “When I get all steamed up, hear me shout!” So I leave the room... but the need to scream a little is still there, so...

Please excuse the rant, but here it is:

Angry (Cyclops?!?) Teapot

I know the theory – it is better to adopt babies because they have an easier transition into the new family and do not remember the old as well as a myriad of other reasons. I would even agree with this theory for the most part. I applaud those who adopt babies, giving them a better life at the youngest age possible.

But what does this mean for older kids – the preschoolers, little children, the teens? For them, it is not better that everyone is adopting babies. Many spend their entire childhoods waiting for a family that never comes. In Bulgaria, all the babies are well taken care of in baby houses, with the staff playing with them and fattening them up, knowing that adoptive parents are lining up in droves to adopt them. In fact, many of the people who are now completing international adoptions of babies as young as two from Bulgaria submitted their paperwork in 2006 – they have been waiting six years to get a baby!

But what about the ones who don’t get chosen… who age out of the baby houses? Well, since there is little chance of them getting adopted once they are this old, they are shipped off to older children orphanages and essentially left there to fend for themselves. They are left to themselves all day long. No hugs, no reading of stories, the only interaction that they get from the adults is during mealtimes when they are given a little gruel and when they are herded as a group to the showers and then to bed – if they are even let out of their cribs in the first place. Not all of the older children orphanages are like this – some are better, some are worst.

There are many reasons that these children don’t get chosen when they are babies… special needs – some as simple as a food allergy, legal issues, or just because they have dark hair and eyes. But they all still need families! They are just as precious, just as cute, just as lovable, just as valuable – but they need to be adopted so much more because it is quite possible that no one else is coming for them.

So when we get in the line for a child when our home study is done, it is true – we are choosing the short line and adopting a child and not a baby. True, we are choosing to adopt a child, not a teen. All of the children in our social group – the children of our dear friends – are all young and we want our child to have lots of friends! But most importantly, God is leading us to adopt someone who really needs us, who He knows will be best for us. Some are called to adopt a baby; we are called to adopt a young child. So, yes, it will be better for us to act in obedience to the calling (such joy!), but most importantly, it will be better for some very precious child!

And one last note to this rant – it is not "special" that we are adopting a special-needs kid! It feels normal and, quite honestly, it will be a privilege to welcome into our family someone who is so very wonderful in the eyes of God.