The Groaning World and the Adopted Child

Diary of a Soon-to-be Daddy

Romans 8:19-22 says that Creation itself waits expectantly and groans for the sons of the Living God to bring it life and liberation from its bondage to decay (paraphrased).

This is perhaps a slightly off-topic way to start this week’s installment of Ian and Mel’s Adoption Blog/Diary of a Soon-to-be Daddy, but it is entirely relevant to our adoption, where we stand in the process, and who we are as both adoptive parents and as adopted children of the Lord – a point I shall henceforth explain.

           

Mel and I recently finished our adoption education and home study visits. We took ten hours of online classes in which two portly Midwestern ladies taught us all about the needs of orphaned children that adoptive parents have to provide for. We then met twice offsite with our social worker for interviews and parenting discussions, and had one home visit where the same social worker – a kindly Jewess with a head full of knowledge and experience named Debbie – ensured that our home met certain requirements for parents wishing to take on the ancient and beautiful responsibility of adoption. During this process we learned about one of the greatest challenges that both orphaned children and adoptive parents face – the child’s lack of parental attachment. In other words, the lack of a healthy, trust-filled attachment between the child and its parents that leads to the child’s growth into a healthy, stable human being.

Human beings, you see, are designed to have attachments with one another. It’s the reason that we live in families and in communities, and it’s the reason we pair off and spend our lives together as married couples. When we’re born, therefore, we begin to seek those attachments with our parents. As our parents meet our needs and share our formative experiences, bonds form and the inextricable parent-child attachment grows. However, when children are raised in orphanages due to their parents giving them up or, more tragically, dying (as will possibly be the case with our future child), the child’s needs cease to be met as they should, parental bonding doesn’t occur, and attachments cease to be formed. When adoptive parents like us adopt these children, therefore, we have to be extra diligent to meet the child’s needs, share lots of bonding experiences, and grow trust that will slowly but surely lead to the parent-child attachment that the child so desperately needs to become a well-rounded, healthy person.

             

As with a lot of things that I learn, this got me thinking about God and Mankind and the parallels that exist between the spiritual and the practical worlds. It occurred to me that Humanity and God have a similar attachment deficit to that between orphaned kids and their parents. Originally, you see, Humanity and the Earth were supposed to live in a constant and pure state of attachment to the living God. Genesis talks about how God walked through the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, talked with them, and shared in their experiences. Creation was perfect – just like a good set of parents having a kid and spending the formative years of its life together. But when Adam and Eve rejected God’s instructions and thought they knew better, they broke the perfect bonds between Humanity and the Earth and God. They had to leave the Garden and they – as well as the Earth – fell into a state of constant decay. This to me is similar to a child losing its parent and being sent to an orphanage. That child then degenerates due to the unmet need for attachment – the most primal of all needs, even beyond food and shelter, in my opinion. But it never stops seeking that attachment. It cries out for orphanage workers, cherishing the moments when it’s heard and helped. It strains to see prospective parents as they walk through the orphanage to pick up their waiting child. It groans just like the Earth groans as it waits for God and His children to bring it life and liberation from decay.

             

When the orphaned child is finally adopted, though, it has no idea who the adoptive parents really are and what they’re going to do. It’s terrified and mistrustful. The adoptive parents have to gradually build trust with the child and fill its unmet needs in order to create bonds that will lead to full, healthy attachment. The parents even have to undo a lot of the damage that was done to the child’s psyche in the orphanage by the child’s unmet needs. But what could be considered lengthy and tiresome by many is in fact a beautiful process that any adoptive parent will say is enjoyable, powerful, and well worth it. Thusly, when we as human beings choose to have faith in Jesus as our Saviour (sent by God the Father to restore Humanity’s parental attachment with Father God), we are like orphaned kids learning how to trust our new parent. Jesus begins to meet our needs and teach us how to trust Him. We go from being orphaned children, unwanted and uncared for, to being fully-fledged adoptive sons and daughters of God. The more we spend time with Him – just like the more time adopted kids spend with their new parents – the stronger our attachment to Him grows, and the more developed and mature we become. Moreover, the closer we get to our adoptive Father, the more we’re able to bring those around us closer to Him and the Earth itself one more step away from complete decay and annihilation. 

Creation, including Humanity, groans expectantly for its Father – its primary caregiver separated at birth - just like an orphaned child cries and pleads for its parent. So as Mel and I continue our lengthy process of adoption, getting closer to the end goal, we continue to hold in our hearts God’s passion for His orphaned children and His longing for true, deep, powerful attachment with Humanity.