Storming the Gates

The final documents (I know I have said "This is the last paperwork" about a dozen times now) required from us are ready to be mailed off! I will walk them up to the post office during my lunch, fight the ornery postal workers who would much rather be home watching HGTV (wouldn’t we all?), and send the papers on their merry way to our adoption agency.

A momentous occasion, I know.

These three documents are the final pieces of our dossier that will be translated and submitted to the Bulgarian government.

I am not a moody person – I may have my ups and downs but try to keep things pretty even keel. With this adoption, however, emotions become deeper – this is my son we are talking about after all! What would be a normal thought of “Oh, I will have to wait another five months for such and such to happen” is transformed into “O woe is me!!! I have an eternity to wait and am certain that I will not be able to bear it, much less make it through my daily life of work, sleep, eat, church!!!”

When I have thoughts like this, I start to fantasize about storming the gates of a mighty castle to free my gentle little son. Now I would never do this in real life – it is illegal, unethical, and just plain wrong. There are procedures to go through that are in place for very good reasons. They protect children from kidnapping, child trafficking, and slavery. But in my fantasy, I fight the good fight, siege the castle, and win my little prince.

In reality, the gate of the orphanage is not the sort that you storm… it is only guarded by a coffee vending machine. The workers there are not evil imprisoners of my child but women with hearts and souls that provide for my son’s needs… even if I don’t necessarily agree with their methods or their cultural mindset toward orphan care. If I stormed in and took my son, they would call the police and that would be the end of it. And probably end all chance of me ever adopting – and very rightly so. As such, I guess I won’t storm the castle.

In these days of waiting, I need to be careful to have a proper perspective on the situation. Ian is better at this than I am… he is always rephrasing my drastic statements, centering my emotions when they flare out, and giving me support when all the world seems to give way.

I need to choose my words with care – choosing life and victory. I need to express hope, patience, and quiet determination. I need to pray and be a blessing to others – focusing on their needs and not my own meager existence. I will fill my mind with happy thoughts, my heart with hope, and my hands with good works. This is how I will be able to endure the waiting.