Adoption Fiscal Cliff

So I work for the Government… as a contractor, an insignificant administrative assistant. Even though I do not consider myself political, the language of politics is one am comfortable conversing in… I do live in the nation’s capital after all – or close enough.

So while everyone at work is worrying about the “fiscal cliff”, it only seemed natural to think about my own dilemma in such terms. Our adoption is facing a “fiscal cliff”, not the first one, and probably not the last one. We have come to a point where the adoption agency will do no more work unless we give them more money. The second payment of $3500 was due to them when our homestudy was completed at the beginning of December. So it is past due.

We have some of it – quite a lot of it, in fact. We have in our savings just over $2000 toward this payment, and just need about $1500 more. We are hoping for Christmas bonus from Ian’s company, but they typically give them later on in the new year. I am knitting, knitting as fast as I can, to create little hats, scarves, etc. to sell as a fundraiser. I am even booked with knitting orders into the new year, thanks to some very generous friends. Some more friends, who know the ins and outs of adoption through their own journeys, have given, once again, very generously.

But we are still $1500 short.

The other day, I was pouring out my heart (perhaps you could read this phrase as “complaining” and come closer to the truth) to a close friend and she asked a very wise, pride-crushing question, “Have you told anyone yet that you need the money?” I stammered and said, “Well, yes, sorta.” She then said, “People want to help out; people want to give, especially at this time of the year.”

So I will swallow my pride and ask. Yes, I have not because I ask not.

If you are one of the people my friend was referring to – if you would like to help, if you would like to give, in this, the very season of giving, we would really appreciate it. We know that God will provide, yes, and are leaning on Him in faith. But we are also leaning on you, for we cannot do this on our own. 

Will you please help us? Every bit, little and big, helps bring our little one home to be an orphan no more.

We have a website set up to accept credit cards if you would like to give very conveniently. However, if you would like for your gift to be tax deductable, please choose the option to give via a check to our church orphan fund, All the funds will go to us but it will make your donation tax deductable. You can even buy coffee from our coffee fundraiser if you need a caffeinated way to give. Please check out the ways you can give here.

If you cannot give, please pray that God would help us with this “fiscal cliff” and that we would have peace and not give in to worry.

Thank you all – thank you very much!

P.S. We will be taking a break from the blog next week to celebrate Christmas with Ian's family! They are flying in on Christmas Eve and we are so excited to have them in our neck of the woods! So... until the new year, God bless and Merry Christmas!

All I Want for Christmas…

All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas is you, my child -
You can throw a tantrum or be mild,
Blue eyes or brown, I don’t care
All I want is for you to be there.

I would give up gifts all wrapped in red,
If I could just see your pretty head.
I would set aside all parties and charms,
If I could hold you in my arms.

But my loving arms have no one to hold
And this waiting is really getting old.
Do you long for Mommy too?
Does it make your Christmas blue?

I want to know you, my cute little dear
To hear your voice and know you’re near.
To know the very beating of your heart,
Oh, I can’t wait for every precious part!

Your mommy misses you, my little one
And loves you very, very much – a ton!
If love could pay your adoption fee,
You already would be home with me!

Maybe next Christmas, there will be
Laughter and little toes under the tree.
If not, I believe my heart will break
Missing you is more than I can take.

by Melanie Elliott

We Have Been Approved!!!

Our homestudy has been approved!

We are now officially approved as adoptive parents by the State of Virginia. Which means we are finished with Stage One of our adoption process. Hurrah!!!

We are very happy, for this is one step closer to having our child in our arms.

The next step, Stage Two, is to get approval from the US Citizen and Immigration Services (USCIS) to bring an adopted child into the United States. The form is not too bad... maybe 40 pages - but that includes the instruction packet. We will fill out the pages (I'm already working on parts of Sections 2 and 3 - Section 1 is complete!), attach our approved homestudy and away it will go! (Accompanied by a check for $890 - a bit steep of a processing fee in my opinion, but worth it to be able to bring our little one home!)

I hope to have the forms done in the next two weeks... but with all the Christmas business and people who go out of town just when I need questions answered... well, we will see. Then, I believe, it will take 6-8 weeks to get our approval from USCIS.

Only one thing has checked my celebration... I was surprised by a bill for the second payment to the adoption agency. I had forgotten that it was due when we had finished our homestudy. Quite a sinking feeling, because we don't have all the money yet to pay it. I will have to call the adoption agency and negotiate a new deadline. Blah.

But I put it in God's hands, and tried to go back to celebrating. Yea!!!!! This is a walk of faith, trips and falls are OK as long as you get up again.

Thanks for all your prayers, support, understanding, and love... keep them coming! Much love and thanks to all of you!

Inheritance

We are studying the Book of Judges with some friends of ours – it is really quite a good study; we are learning so much. The focus of our study is our inheritance in Christ. Just as the Israelites struggled to bring their inheritance into reality, so do we. It is a battle we fight every day – choosing the victory of Christ and eradicating the flesh.

We have been thinking about the concept of inheritance for a long while… what it means in general, what it means to us. One of the most life-changing concepts has been that inheritance is not just things. It is not just a house, land, money, or that fancy ring of Grandma’s being passed down through the generations. It is more than that… it is identity.

Sons used to follow in their father’s footsteps. A farmer’s sons would become farmers, a mason’s son would become masons… all businesses were family businesses. These identities were so central to a person’s being that they became last names – Mr. Cooper made barrels as his family had for generations. Mr. Baker came from a long line of bread makers, and you knew that Mr. Brewster had a grandmother somewhere along the line that made beer the same way that he did.

When a child was born into a family, they received an inheritance of an identity, a trade, a livelihood. If a child was an orphan, that child had lost so much more than a mother and father… he lost his identity, his career, and all means for earning a living. He was more than just all alone, he was a no one. So sad!

This is the world that Christ lived in when He spoke about adoption. When we cry, “Abba, Father!” we are crying out for more than just a divine Father, or a part of the Kingdom of Heaven… we are crying out for a transformation from a no one to, well, one that is made in the image of God. We take on our Heavenly Father’s name, His identity through Christ, and we take on His trade too. We become redeemers, broken-heart menders, friends to the friendless, lovers of the unlovable. We become adopters. We follow in the footsteps of our Father.

What a Friend!

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

All the delays that we are experiencing getting our homestudy approved are getting me down. We finished over a month ago with the interviews or has it already been more than two months? And just when we get the last piece of paper in, everyone at the adoption agency goes on vacation. Really?!? Grrr. And with the December 3rd deadline fast approaching! If we don't get approval by then, we will have to redo a large portion of our homestudy.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

I have been rather frantically racking my brain to find some way of staying home with my new son or daughter when they come and maintaining my share of the family income. I cannot stop working or we will have no way to pay all the bills. But I have trouble bearing the thought of finally having my child and spending the majority of my day away from him or her at work. And so far, I can find no way to stay home and still make money... enough money, anyway. Grrr. This will be a trying exercise in faith for me.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee;
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Adoption and Family

I knew my great grandmothers… or perhaps it would be better to say I met them a couple of times and heard hundreds of stories about them. I remember visiting their houses with beautiful gardens full of tulips and room upon room filled with porcelain dolls. I remember the long beautiful white hair of my Czech babushka and the blue turban my stylish GG (short for great grandmother) used to wear.

This year, I lost both of my grandmothers… one in January and the other in the last couple of weeks. One of the saddest parts of this is that my children will not have the fond memories I do of my greats.  Fortunately, Ian’s grandmothers will be around to meet our son or daughter when he or she comes home from Bulgaria. I really can’t wait for them to meet!

Family is one of those precious things that is always growing! More and more people are included each year through marriages, births, and, like in our case, adoption. We love this way of growing our family because it fulfills God’s purposes as expressed in Psalm 68:6: “God sets the lonely in families.” We are reflecting the heart of God. Adoption is God’s way of growing His family…

You see, both of my grandmothers choose to live life outside of God’s family. I know one called upon Jesus during her last hours and I believed she was saved. I don’t know what happened in the last moments of my other grandmother. But I know that, if she called upon the Name of the Lord, she was saved, adopted into God’s eternal family at that very moment. I will meet her again.

Normally, I try to advocate for the dear children without families. I ask, “Will you adopt?” This time, I have a different question… Will you be adopted? Will you let God grow you into His family?

Making the Heart of God Visable

Orphan Sunday, November 4, 2012



During a time of year when we remember all of the wonderful bounty we have to be thankful for, Orphan Sunday is a time to help those who are fatherless and forgotten in society (but never forgotten or forsaken by the Heavenly Father), who do not even have a family to be thankful for...

Consider adopting a child - it is not as undoable as it may appear.

Consider mentoring the fatherless in your community.

Consider being a foster parent.

Consider helping others adopt, foster, or mentor with financial, prayer, and emotional support.

When you are done considering - take action!

Not a single orphan can be helped by sending warm and happy thoughts their way... we need to let the intent of our hearts direct our hands.

Talk to me if you are thinking of adoption... or fostering... or mentoring.

I can direct you on how to take the first steps.

Talk to me if you would like to help others help the fatherless.

If you have a heart to help us in our adoption, here are some ways to help change an orphan into our son or daughter.

If you have a heart to help any other sort of adoption, fostering, or mentoring, I can connect you to many people who are stepping out in faith in many different ways to reach out to the orphan.

Remember to consider... and then take action! Make the heart of God visible!

How Long?

What with the hurricane and some other significant but ordinary life events, not much has been achieved with the adoption this week.

It is strange how this constant work on the adoption has become the status quo - it is routine now that I am filling out paperwork, following up on paperwork, reviewing paper work, breathing paperwork, dreaming paperwork...

The hurricane was uneventful for us - though we have great sympathy for those whose lives were torn apart by it.

We had a couple of days off as our offices were closed - the public transportation system was shut down and it was too rough to travel. We stayed home all cozy and warm.

Our house always feels a little empty - the little bed in the office leans against the wall unused... a chair is all ready at the table. In fact, we talked about how we will need to get a bigger table when our little one comes.

This emptiness that we feel is a melancholy mingled with hope and expectation. It is a patience that is bursting at the seams with eager anticipation.

Someday, the little bed will be filled with squiggly legs and arms and the chair at the dining table filled with a child eager for dessert... our son, our daughter. The thought fills me with smiles.

"How long?" That is the question everyone is asking... probably another year or two... or more.

That answer is quickly followed by the comment/question, "How can you be so patient?!?"

Because we have no choice. The only way to fill the little bed and the little chair with our special little one that God has called us to, and called to us, is to wait.

So we stand with hearts and arms open, but with our spirits bowed in surrender to the God who controls it all. And we wait.

The paperwork actually helps the waiting - it gives the illusion that we can somehow hurry up the processes... And we can! But only so much. So much of it is waiting for other people to do something.

We should get a sign that says "SEVERE WAITING EXPECTED".

So all is well in Elliott land... but it will be so much better when the Elliotts are three instead of two. Or maybe four...

A Stitch in Time...

Just three more documents needed for our home study and we will be done!

Why is it taking so long? (We ask this question too!) Well, the dear postal service lost two forms and we had to get Bulgaria’s clearance on how to meet one of the requirements. But we have now cleared everything up and the forms are being re-sent and worked upon! We are almost finished.

Working out an adoption is like pulling teeth, herding cats, and saying “She sells seashells by the seashore” three times really fast, while patting your head and rubbing your tummy. If you go really, really slowly and concentrate really hard, you might get it right the first time. But if a ball drops, you just have to get right back on your horse, and back into the swing of things.

We learned in our adoption education about how a child may be a certain age, but in reality have the maturity of a much younger child – physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. They even gave us a ratio to help us figure out the “real” age of our coming kiddo – that for every three months a child spends in the orphanage, he or she loses one month of growth/development. This means that a two-year-old child would be more like a baby that is one year and three months old. If you went by the actual age, you would be potty training, singing songs, working on social skills, etc.  But you can’t do that with children delayed by institution care. They lack the skills – physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially – to do things that a two-year-old child that has been lovingly cared for would do. You need to parent your two-year-old as you would a one-year-old. A five-year-old child that has spent its entire life in an orphanage would have the maturity of a three-year-old. You would have a three-year-old child that had been alive for five years and needs the things a three-year-old would need.

In the child development class I took in college, they never mentioned that you needed love to grow. Food, water, shelter, even security, but love was never mentioned as a basic need. These orphanages provide food (at least enough to keep the kids alive – most of the time anyway), water (once again, sometimes only enough to keep the kids alive – but I have heard that some orphanages feed the kids a watery meal, like soup or gruel or formula, and that is all the liquid they get for the day), shelter, and clothes to wear, etc. But the children are completely missing one basic need – there is no loving, one-on-one care that will make a child grow and thrive. As a result, they lag behind.

I love my child. Ian loves our child. We pray and long to hold him or her in our arms. With each month that goes by, I know my child is not receiving the care, the love, he or she needs to live and grow. As time goes by, our child is falling farther and farther behind. It really grieves me. We need to get our child home – as soon as possible. Every day, we balance this urgency with the need to do this adoption right – the whole mixed metaphor mentioned above.  We balance our faith that God is taking care of our child with actions that will bring our child to us as soon as possible.

One more metaphor… a stitch in time saves nine. For all you non-sewing people out there, let me explain. Suppose you have a beautiful new coat and are anticipating a winter of warmth – and you look so cool in it as well – it is the very latest fashion. You wear it a day or two, and love it! But the next morning, when you are struggling to put it on as you rush out door you hear a rip – the sound of snapping threads. “EEeek! Not my new coat!” you say. You take it off and, yes, there, right in the armpit – a very teeny tear – just a couple of stitches loose really. “No one will notice, I will fix it when I get home!” you say and rush off. No one notices and you forget that it even happened. You wear and wear your beautiful coat, until one day, when you are hailing a taxi, you feel a cold breeze sneak in and, there, it all its ugliness, is a tear of mammoth proportions – how could it have become so big without your notice?!? You keep your arm down for the rest of the day and once you get home, you get out your sewing kit and ugh, what a task! So many seams are affected and the lining is torn too! You sew and sew, and finally you are done – but it looks like an ugly scar. Better keep your arm down until you can buy a new coat.

Now if the tear had been taken care of when it was only a couple of threads, the new coat would have stayed new and beautiful and lasted longer. This is why a lot of people will adopt only infants – the “tears” are smaller and easier to fix. This is also why we feel the need to adopt a child with lots of mending needed – children are not coats and the tears in their lives cannot be fixed with just a sewing kit, and, most importantly, you cannot just go out and get a new one due to some devastating tear. These children are little souls that need healing. How will this happen? As corny as it sounds, love will be our needle and thread. And not just our love, but God’s love – the only love that not only heals wounds but heals ugly scars too.

How to Choose a Child

We continue to tie up loose ends for our home study… a form here, a letter of reference there. No momentous accomplishments, just little steps.

I also continue to check (almost daily) the webpage of waiting children available through our agency. I know that it only changes every two months, so they are the same faces there as yesterday. I know my son or daughter is not among them… yet. But I pray for them, that they would find families, find love. One is an angry little boy – who can blame him? Everyone he has ever known has rejected him. One is a cute little girl who can only just barely walk with a walker due to cerebral palsy. A couple of sibling groups, a sweet little girl whose only fault is epilepsy. How does one choose amongst so many wonderful little people?

Quite honestly, if I had my way, I would adopt them all. Ian and I have prayerfully considered each – hoping that God will say, “Yes, this is your son!” or “Yes, this is your little girl!” But each time, the Lord has said, “No, you are not the plans I have for this little one. Wait, you will see My purposes for your child soon enough.” So while I pray for each sweet soul, I leave them in God’s hands.

We are leaning on this promise that God has placed in our hearts: “Wait, you will see My purposes soon enough… For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good!”

I would write about something else… about how cute it will be to set up our little one’s room, or maybe discuss if we should adopt siblings. I am sure these will be later posts. But no, this is where I am at – this is the lesson God has me learning right now. This is the path Ian and I are walking down… learning to trust in God’s purposes, in His plans. When it comes to choosing a child, we seek those plans and purposes.

So when we see the most adorable set of twin boys, for example, we both, separately, seek out God’s will. “Is this the child/children for us?” is the question that we ask our Father. God answers and we then share the answer we received individually with each other. So far, we have heard the exact same thing every time. Each time, we are so eager, hoping God will say, “Yes.” Each time, we have received God’s “No” that is accompanied by His peace. We know that He has plans for these children, plans for GOOD. But those plans do not include us. (Note: For those of you who are as eager as we are and ready to jump to any wonderful, but mistaken, conclusion, I will spell it out for you: this means we are not adopting said twin boys in the example. Don't get too excited yet.)

When it comes to choosing a child, we are leaving the choice in God’s hands. We are opening wide our arms and waiting for the child God will place in them. We will keep waiting and we will keep asking. We are eagerly anticipating God’s “Yes!”, when His plans for a specific child are include in His plans for us – and vice versa! Hasten the day, Lord!

A Time for Everything

A couple of weeks ago, Ian and I taught a lesson to the children at our church. Quite honestly, we had forgotten that it was our week to teach and we arrived with no lesson in hand. I am glad that we serve a God who is always prepared, though, for He had placed a verse on my heart for quite some time and I was able to pull it out and pass it on to the little ones. Having mulled the verse over for days, it was like an overflowing fountain, and the lesson was planned in a few minutes, with activities, and easily executed. How I wish all of my teaching was so easily prepped for!

That verse has continued to resonate within my heart...

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Oh, so cliché! This verse is probably used at the turn of every season, at every graduation ceremony - it is even a rock song.

But when God breathes a verse into our hearts, minds and souls, it does not matter if it is the most oft-quoted verse in all of time. It is full of life and has great depth of meaning. It emerges fresh and new - ready to inspire, comfort, lead. This verse revealed a facet of God I had not seen before - or perhaps just never really looked at, as it was there all along.

For me, it is linked to the story of a woman lost in the desert, fleeing from a hopeless situation, dying of thirst, running from the sight of her dying son in anguish. Hagar had a life-changing, life-restoring, life-repurposing encounter with God. God met her need, gave her back her son, and gave her a vision and a purpose for her future that would help her endure the season of difficulty to which God asked her to return. It was then that God was given a name that revealed His loving and all-knowing character towards those of us who are caught in the chaos of this world. The God Who Sees!

The God Who Sees - He sees our anguish, our desperate need, the things that hurt so much we just cannot face them. He sees the hopeless, difficult situations we exist in, our broken dreams, and how sometimes we just want to lay down and die.

He doesn't just see our troubles - He lived them. He knows each ache and pain we experience. He knows the seasons of human life... and death. He knows the bitter chaos that consumes our world.

What a relief to know that He appoints a time for each sorrowful season to end, with times of refreshing, times of joy to match the times of sorrow! What a comfort to know that He has also appointed a purpose to each time... our endurance of difficulties will transform us into overcomers, with strength, joy, and patience for the next level of His work for us/in us! God sees each of us in our circumstances and has planned fulfillment for our needs, answers of hope for our despairs, a vision and a purpose for our future, and has allotted us strength for each step of our way out of the desert. All because of His love for us!

For us, the season that Ian and I are facing now is relatively easy - we are simply asked to do mountains of paperwork, raise a ransom to free our beloved child from the orphanage and a life of fatherlessness, and jump through seemingly endless bureaucratic hoops. The strength for these tasks has already been provided - we have been promised all that we need to accomplish our calling. We are merely asked to persevere on the long road to adoptive parenthood, step after step, mile after long mile. It feels hard though, but, yes, we are learning patience, to lean on God's strength and promise, and are learning to trust that God will fulfill our heart's desire for a child.

We have hope that God will bring this season to an end soon! We will hold our kiddo in our arms - soon! We also have the promise that while we work and wait, God is working good things - in us, in our child, and in our community. We are learning the heart of God for the fatherless, our child's heart is being prepared for our family, people are watching the God Who Sees in action and thinking, "Maybe God sees me and my circumstances too", or "Maybe there is hope in the midst of my suffering!" or "Hey, maybe I could step out in faith too!"  The answer to all of these "maybes" is "Yes" and "Amen"!

The Groaning World and the Adopted Child

Diary of a Soon-to-be Daddy

Romans 8:19-22 says that Creation itself waits expectantly and groans for the sons of the Living God to bring it life and liberation from its bondage to decay (paraphrased).

This is perhaps a slightly off-topic way to start this week’s installment of Ian and Mel’s Adoption Blog/Diary of a Soon-to-be Daddy, but it is entirely relevant to our adoption, where we stand in the process, and who we are as both adoptive parents and as adopted children of the Lord – a point I shall henceforth explain.

           

Mel and I recently finished our adoption education and home study visits. We took ten hours of online classes in which two portly Midwestern ladies taught us all about the needs of orphaned children that adoptive parents have to provide for. We then met twice offsite with our social worker for interviews and parenting discussions, and had one home visit where the same social worker – a kindly Jewess with a head full of knowledge and experience named Debbie – ensured that our home met certain requirements for parents wishing to take on the ancient and beautiful responsibility of adoption. During this process we learned about one of the greatest challenges that both orphaned children and adoptive parents face – the child’s lack of parental attachment. In other words, the lack of a healthy, trust-filled attachment between the child and its parents that leads to the child’s growth into a healthy, stable human being.

Human beings, you see, are designed to have attachments with one another. It’s the reason that we live in families and in communities, and it’s the reason we pair off and spend our lives together as married couples. When we’re born, therefore, we begin to seek those attachments with our parents. As our parents meet our needs and share our formative experiences, bonds form and the inextricable parent-child attachment grows. However, when children are raised in orphanages due to their parents giving them up or, more tragically, dying (as will possibly be the case with our future child), the child’s needs cease to be met as they should, parental bonding doesn’t occur, and attachments cease to be formed. When adoptive parents like us adopt these children, therefore, we have to be extra diligent to meet the child’s needs, share lots of bonding experiences, and grow trust that will slowly but surely lead to the parent-child attachment that the child so desperately needs to become a well-rounded, healthy person.

             

As with a lot of things that I learn, this got me thinking about God and Mankind and the parallels that exist between the spiritual and the practical worlds. It occurred to me that Humanity and God have a similar attachment deficit to that between orphaned kids and their parents. Originally, you see, Humanity and the Earth were supposed to live in a constant and pure state of attachment to the living God. Genesis talks about how God walked through the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, talked with them, and shared in their experiences. Creation was perfect – just like a good set of parents having a kid and spending the formative years of its life together. But when Adam and Eve rejected God’s instructions and thought they knew better, they broke the perfect bonds between Humanity and the Earth and God. They had to leave the Garden and they – as well as the Earth – fell into a state of constant decay. This to me is similar to a child losing its parent and being sent to an orphanage. That child then degenerates due to the unmet need for attachment – the most primal of all needs, even beyond food and shelter, in my opinion. But it never stops seeking that attachment. It cries out for orphanage workers, cherishing the moments when it’s heard and helped. It strains to see prospective parents as they walk through the orphanage to pick up their waiting child. It groans just like the Earth groans as it waits for God and His children to bring it life and liberation from decay.

             

When the orphaned child is finally adopted, though, it has no idea who the adoptive parents really are and what they’re going to do. It’s terrified and mistrustful. The adoptive parents have to gradually build trust with the child and fill its unmet needs in order to create bonds that will lead to full, healthy attachment. The parents even have to undo a lot of the damage that was done to the child’s psyche in the orphanage by the child’s unmet needs. But what could be considered lengthy and tiresome by many is in fact a beautiful process that any adoptive parent will say is enjoyable, powerful, and well worth it. Thusly, when we as human beings choose to have faith in Jesus as our Saviour (sent by God the Father to restore Humanity’s parental attachment with Father God), we are like orphaned kids learning how to trust our new parent. Jesus begins to meet our needs and teach us how to trust Him. We go from being orphaned children, unwanted and uncared for, to being fully-fledged adoptive sons and daughters of God. The more we spend time with Him – just like the more time adopted kids spend with their new parents – the stronger our attachment to Him grows, and the more developed and mature we become. Moreover, the closer we get to our adoptive Father, the more we’re able to bring those around us closer to Him and the Earth itself one more step away from complete decay and annihilation. 

Creation, including Humanity, groans expectantly for its Father – its primary caregiver separated at birth - just like an orphaned child cries and pleads for its parent. So as Mel and I continue our lengthy process of adoption, getting closer to the end goal, we continue to hold in our hearts God’s passion for His orphaned children and His longing for true, deep, powerful attachment with Humanity.

Second Home Study Visit

So we returned to the International House of Pancakes for our second home study visit... which, by the way, doesn't seem very international. Where are the Bulgarian pancakes?!? We need our palachinki!

Well, the palachinki are a sort of crepe, so IHOP sort of has them... but, in protest, we refused pancakes this time and just had some of their dinner entrees.

But on to more important matters... this was a rather important meeting with our social worker. She needed to be satisfied that there was nothing in our pasts that would keep us from being good parents. She spent about five minutes on Ian... and then turned to me and my very unconventional childhood. She told me that she needed to make certain that I would not raise my children the way I had been raised. Hmm... let me see... no, of course not! I am not my parents (hippies fleeing from society), I am not and do not plan on living in extreme poverty (please, Lord), I do not like living out in the woods without modern conveniences (can't beat indoor plumbing), and a thousand other little things. I tried to explain that I survived my childhood because my parents actually loved me. I also explained I found healing and peace about my unusual upbringing when I discovered the love of God and the love of God's people. That I had processed through the good, the bad, and the ugly and had cried what tears I had to cry and now lived a normal, balanced life with good and healthy plans for my children. They will be made to eat their vegetables. They will have sleepovers with their friends. They may even play soccer.

In the end, she not only was satisfied that I could be a good parent, she even said that I would be a very good parent for a kid who grew up in an orphanage! (What?!? I am not sure I make the connection between growing up in the boonies and growing up in an institution, but I will take it!)

We have our third (and final!) visit this weekend. This will be the home inspection where she makes sure that our little apartment isn't a dangerous place. We'll be ok, I think... not many holes in the floor to fall through and we don't keep a vicious dog on the balcony.

We are required to have the bare minimum of furniture for our kid to pass this inspection... a place to sleep and a place to put clothing. And while we are very excited to set up our little one's room, we decided we needed to wait on most things... when we know the age and if we are getting a boy or girl, we will then go crazy with monkeys, owls, or Nats baseball. Until then we are just assembling the basics... and as we already had a place for clothing, this means getting a bed. And, thanks to some very dear and generous friends, we have one! Here is Ian with our little kiddo's bed, ready to be set up. So cute!

We are working on our education too - watching hour after hour of lectures on brain development, psychology, practical parenting, all geared for the adoptive parent. It is really a wonderful series of classes. We are learning a lot and even enjoying it.

If you are praying for us, we so appreciate it! Our stress levels are running pretty high, and we are eager for this part of the process to be accomplished. Every prayer makes a difference - even a brief  "Help them, Lord!" Pray for our little one too, that the waiting will be short and that he or she will be in our arms soon!

First Home Study Visit

Hello All!

We completed our first of three home study visits. Hurrah!

I believe that it went really well, as we all munched on breakfast for dinner at IHOP, even though Ian agrees with Hank Hill from the television series King of the Hill – “Never again!”

I am sure you all want to know all the juicy details... Well, I had blueberry pancakes and coffee… What? Not the details you were hoping for? Alright…

We discussed our lives, our hopes and dreams for a sweet little adopted child, the intricacies of international adoption. It was a bit scattered but I guess we have a lot to cover in just three sessions.

We spent the most time talking about why we want to adopt. The right answer was “Because we want to parent a child.” And we gave this right answer, for it is very true. We want a child to nourish and provide for, to raise up in right and good ways for his or her own happiness and benefit. We want what any parents would want for our children… that they grow up to be as healthy, happy, and as good as we possibly can bring them up to be. We all agreed on this. It was until we started discussing why we wanted to adopt a special-needs child from an impoverished nation that we did come to the lengthy discussion/lecture. It was our social worker’s job to play the devil’s advocate, but it seemed to me like we had said something that wasn't politically correct and she was showing us the "error" of our way.

Except I know it is not an error. We have a need in our heart – an empty space for a child. But it isn’t shaped just like any child… it only can be filled by the child that God has for us… a child that has a few more needs than most, that, if left alone and in the orphanage, may not even live - at least not as we know it. And if he or she does live, will face a life of stigma, despair, and loneliness. Having faced more than our share of suffering in our lives, we are eager to ease the suffering of another human being – to cut off a lot of that suffering before it can leave too much of a mark on a fragile young soul. We, too, have experienced more than the usual amount of healing in our lives, and know what it means to be an “overcomer.” It is something that we can share with our child – how to not just cope, but how to find healing for life’s hurts. For us, it does not make sense to adopt a little child who does not know the sting of pain – physical and emotional – who would have little use of our very specific experience and know how. All the pain and suffering that we have gone through in our lives must be good for something… and this is it!

“But your child will never be grateful that you have rescued it,” our social worker warned. Of course not! If we do our jobs right as parents, he or she will not even realized that he or she has been rescued! He or she will just feel loved and cared for, a true son or daughter of our family! Not a project or an instance of charity. This little child will be OUR SON or OUR DAUGHTER. Period.

I think we were able to convince her that all was good with our motivation to adopt… but we will have the chance to discuss it further in a couple days, when we return to IHOP for our second session! This home study is moving so quickly!

Here is a lovely little video about the importance of adoption... thanks, Niki, for sending it to us! It was such an encouragement!

Did You Miss Us?

We went on Vacation!

Our incredibly hospitable friends in Orlando, FL let us stay with them, took us to Epcot Center, and let us play for hours with their daughter (aka the most adorable 3-year-old ever)!

Luxurious Room to Spare!

It was wonderful visiting with them and exploring their world. Quite honestly, it was the most relaxing, fun-filled vacation since our honeymoon in 2004. (Well, it has been our only “vacation” since then, as long as you don’t count the wonderful but stress-filled trips to the West Coast to visit our families at Christmas. Visiting and spending time with 30+ people from three or four different regions/states all in one week can be a bit much, but worth every minute!) But this vacation was almost five days of pure relaxation and fun. We even got upgraded to the “more room” seats on the way there and back!

When we got back, we had wonderful news! Our first home study visit is tomorrow evening! We are meeting at a local IHOP, strangely enough, and will discuss our hopes and plans for our family over pancakes. (Well, I will have the pancakes, but Ian, who is not a lover of the “breakfast for dinner” concept, will probably have a burger.)

We hope that we will “click” with the social worker. I would love for her to really understand why we are adopting and our vision for our family. However, the most important thing is that, at the end of the three visits, she gives us her stamp of approval.

We know we need to get started on several things ASAP – our adoption education (10 hours of video watching due before the home study ends) and setting up our little one’s room, as that is part of the home inspection that will occur in a couple of weeks. Eeek!!! (That was a squeak of part excitement, part panic.) So please pray that all goes well!

Progress… At Last!

This last weekend was fun and fantastic… we finally finished all the details for the home study paperwork and mailed it off! Hurrah!

While it was fun and fantastic, it was also incredibly stressful. Reading the fine print revealed several more tasks that we had to do to finish… (What?!? Personal checks not allowed? Who uses money orders now days anyway? Why isn’t this all electronic?) We transferred money from our GoFundMe account to our checking account and were hit by the slight administrative fee… and found when you are fundraising for each penny, even slight fees make you go “Ouch!” We love the convenience and ease that people have when using GoFundMe to give, but a small portion of each gift is taken out by the website. If you want all the money to go to us and can write a check, please send it to our church’s adoption ministry (and then it is tax deductable too!) or directly to us. Here are the details if you want to know more.

Another “Hallelujah” moment: our doctor finally filled out our medical forms! After three months of waiting and gently reminding him, we now have written proof that we are healthy enough to adopt! We are glad that our adoption agency suggested that we do our medical appointments as soon as possible – apparently this sort of delay is quite common. But now we have them and can do a happy dance. I wonder if happy dances burn more calories than other dances… we need to stay healthy and fit, after all.

And another “Praise God!” – We have enough funds to pay the first payment to the agency to start the processes of creating our dossier for Bulgaria! We are sending the check and signed contract off this week.

After months of slow and steady effort and no tangible results, it seems like this weekend was full of fireworks.

Now everyone is asking, “So what next? Do you get your kid now?”

Sigh. No for a while yet.

First is the home study, which we now can schedule. It consists of four visits with a social worker. Once they stamp us “Approved”, we then go on to obtain permission from the Federal government to bring in an orphan from Bulgaria… more paperwork and a little more money to get their stamp of approval. Then we will have the second payment to the agency and more paperwork for our dossier. Then more stamping of “Approve”, and after more payments to Bulgaria, then, maybe, it will be the long awaited referral time! Or we may just choose a kid off the waiting list and then it is the same process, only done double time!

Keep us in your prayers… we are experiencing God’s victory each and every day of this long road. Keep our little kiddo in your prayers too! We are blessed to be surrounded by such dear friends as you – thank you!

P.S. We can’t wait for you to meet our kid… he/she is going to have many awesome aunties and uncles!

Coffee Anyone?

Ian and I owe a lot to coffee… not only does it keep us awake as we pound away on our keyboards at work, but for many years it provided vital income and health insurance when Ian worked at Starbucks during his college years.

I always joked around with my friends… their caramel macchiato additions were filling up my dream oven fund. Well, it did pay for groceries and car payments and etc.

And now it is playing a vital part in our life again!

Dear friends – we know how important coffee is to you! We would never even think of asking you give up your beloved cup to support our adoption.  Never!

However, now you can sip your morning pick-me-up with the intense satisfaction of knowing that you have helped an orphan in need!

We stumbled across an organization that helps families adopt by fundraising through their online coffee shop. The owners of this website – Just Love Coffee Roasters – have adopted themselves (from Ethiopia!) and know the difficulties of coming up with a ransom for their child. Some of the profit is given to us out of each purchase, while another part of the profit goes to orphan care and other related causes.

So if you love coffee or love orphans or love us (or any combination of those), check out our “store front” – simply clink https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/ElliottAdoption/ and then the “Shop & Support” button. A variety of coffees is available, as well as some cute items like coffee scoops and mugs. So, please, let your coffee addition fill up our adoption fund!

The amounts that we will see for our adoption out of each purchase are not a lot, but every little bit gets us closer!

Here is the breakdown Just Love Coffee Roasters provides:

13oz. Coffees (non-small lot): $5
(4) 6oz. Samplers: $7
Coffee Cupper's Sampler: $19
Ultimate Sampler (Santa's Helper): $19
Jamaica Blue Mountain (small lot): 4oz. ($3)  13oz. ($9)
5oz. Tin Colombian Cup of Excellence Lot #1: $5
6oz. Kenya AA (small lot): $3
T-Shirts: $5
Sale T-Shirts: $3
Sale Hoodie: $4
Beanie: $3
Hat: $3
Travel Mug: $3
Stoneware Mug: $1
Aeropress: $5
Coffee Scoop: $1

Thank you for your support… it means the world to us and even more to the little child we will one day soon welcome into our family.

God bless… and happy sipping!